In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this massage?

Nowadays, youngsters are being told that if they try hard, they can fulfil every dream that they have. I believe the advantages corresponding to
this
issue are more considerable than the minor disadvantages. On the one hand, a potential disadvantage of
this
matter may be that
children
would be depressed if they try hard and because of some reasons they do not achieve what they want.
Therefore
, some people believe that
children
should be informed that everything can happen in their path and they should not be discouraged and keep trying even harder.
For instance
, if young athletes who are trying hard to reach their goals face a hard injury, they might become disappointed and give up their goals.
However
, they should be taught that any difficulty is resolvable and they should keep trying their best until they become what they want.
On the other hand
, a primary advantage is that
children
would believe that nothing is impossible and
by
Correct word choice
that by
show examples
trying hard they can overcome any complex situation. In my opinion, youngsters who truly believe that they are able to achieve anything by hard work, are more likely to become successful in their lives.
Furthermore
, in today’s world where everyone is trying to find an easy way to succeed, the ones who are actually trying their best, are always one step ahead of people who are not bothering themselves to struggle for their dreams and
this
can make it easier for hard workers to fulfil their dreams. On balance, it is true that telling
children
that they are able to accomplish anything they want if they try hard would seem disadvantageous under certain circumstances.
However
, in my view, its positive effects override the disadvantageous.
Submitted by amirahmadi9301 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to strengthen your arguments and make your points more relatable.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that transitions between ideas and paragraphs are smooth to enhance the overall flow of the essay.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view with both advantages and disadvantages discussed.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and provide a good framework for the essay.
task achievement
The main points are supported with explanations and some examples.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Encouragement
  • Motivation
  • Determination
  • Work Ethic
  • Persistence
  • Self-esteem
  • Confidence
  • Challenges
  • Unrealistic Expectations
  • Disappointment
  • Frustration
  • Limitations
  • External Factors
  • Pressure
  • Stress
  • Anxiety
  • Mental Health
What to do next:
Look at other essays: