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Band 6

Modern Society and Income. Discuss modern attitude to money and how they have changed over the year. Pay particular attention to how people of different professions are rewarded financially.

#society #income #attitude #money #year #attention #people #professions
Currently, we are witnessing how physical coins and bills are being replaced by credit and debit cards in modern culture. I believe that
this
 is the reason why humans are losing the awareness of the value of money. We are uncertain of the amount of pocket money that we should be given to our children.
In addition
, there are disproportionate differences in wages between different professions, that are not always justified by the amount of responsibility. Only two decades ago, kids would get small allowances so they could treat themselves and buy some sweets.
In contrast
, now parents feel the obligation
of retributing
Change preposition
to retribute
show examples
 their little ones with vast amounts of cash to recognise their achievements. Something that I think is
also
 worth discussing, is the differences in pay that we can see along the different jobs. There is a general belief that the salaries should be in proportion to the responsibility.
However
, famous actors and footballers earn ridiculous salaries, and new generations are more attracted to becoming influencers on the internet than studying for a university degree. In conclusion, income is an indispensable component of our society.
Therefore
, it is important that we educate ourselves and our kids about finances, so we all understand the effort required to get the money that allows us to get what we want and how to make informed decisions when it comes to finances.
Submitted by olatzbaroja on

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task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to support your points, enhancing the persuasiveness of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Introduce a wider range of sentence structures and linking words to improve flow and coherence.
task achievement
For a higher score, ensure your essay discusses deeply the set task, especially focusing on the evolution of attitudes towards money and the rationale behind salary disparities among professions.
coherence cohesion
You've provided a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your discussion.
task achievement
You've successfully identified and addressed the key theme of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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