Schools should focus more on teaching students how to be successful in the workforce and less on helping them to achieve academic success. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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These days, the learning system has been evolving, and governments are investigating to find the best way which help students learn better, and be successful in their jobs there some people believe a career is really more important than academic learning, so schools must teach how to be a workforce. I broadly agree with
this
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view because both academic learning and
work
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have a relation with each other and learning one of them cannot help us to become successful. On the one hand, when students are learning academically,
then
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after graduation they cannot find a good job, for they just know some theoretical things, and when they start the job they are not able to do their
work
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very professionally so, theory needs the experience of
work
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.
As a result
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, universities have internships. To learn how can use lessons in
work
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;
then
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improve pupils’ ability.
For instance
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,
last
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summer I finished my bachelor’s. Later, I spend 3 months in the Isfahan oil refinery. It was a good experience for me to learn to use academic lessons in real
work
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.
On the other hand
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, if we learn
work
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and how to find occupation opportunities without academic lessons,
then
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we cannot be really good workers
due to
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the fact we just getting better in our talent for regular
work
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, yet we do not know the reason for it.
Therefore
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, in the strategic position we cannot handle these kinds of people like workers who
work
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for oil refineries, and for every situation have to ask from supervisor. In conclusion, when the teaching system uses not only careers but
also
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academics for learning;
hence
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, they can train good workers for society.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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coherence cohesion
Consider starting with a clearer introduction that outlines the key points to be discussed, making your essay more structured from the beginning.
task achievement
While you have provided examples, try to make them more specific and directly relevant to your key arguments. This will strengthen your task response.
coherence cohesion
Work on your transition sentences to make the flow between paragraphs smoother. This will enhance your coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
You have addressed the task by discussing both academic learning and workforce preparation, which shows a balanced approach.
coherence cohesion
Your essay features a logical structure and presents a clear argument, which is commendable.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • workforce
  • practical skills
  • academic success
  • real-world application
  • adaptable skills
  • vocational training
  • holistic development
  • evolving job market
  • academic rigor
  • interdisciplinary
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