IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Food travels thousand of miles from far to consumer. Some people think it could be better to our enviroment and economic of people only are local produced food. What are the advantages and disadvantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays foods can be imported to
countries
Use synonyms
 easily and it would have some negative and positive aspects. I will discuss two sides of it in the essay.
Due to
Linking Words
 having advanced transportation systems,
food
Use synonyms
 would
Add a missing verb
be
show examples
able to be transported between continents. It has some benefits,
Firstly
Linking Words
, various choices will be provided for people, and individuals can try a variety of
flavors
Change the spelling
flavours
show examples
 from all over the world and it brings new recipes and cooking culture too.
Secondly
Linking Words
, in some
countries
Use synonyms
, some new and efficient supplements have been added to foods that are more healthy and beneficial recently
such
Linking Words
 as a new generation of breads.
Finally
Linking Words
, I would like to mention that a number of necessary nutrient items have been demolished in some
countries
Use synonyms
 ,
however
Linking Words
, to address
this
Linking Words
 issue, importing them would be a vital act.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it has disadvantages too. transporting is always cost for governments
due to
Linking Words
 providing suitable equipment .
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 storage is another aspect that should be managed.
Additionally
Linking Words
 relying on the
food
Use synonyms
 resources of the
countries
Use synonyms
 is better for their environment, agriculture and farming are the necessary ways to maintain environmentally friendly activities
instead
Linking Words
 of industrial factories. It benefits the economy too. Producing
food
Use synonyms
 and preparation process creates lots of job opportunities for the country's citizens. In conclusion, I believe that
while
Linking Words
 sometimes is crucial for governments to import some
food
Use synonyms
, it would be better for governments to have a strong approach to boosting productivity skills and build a sufficient infrastructure for having enough
food
Use synonyms
 supply
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their own.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To score higher, refine your introduction to more clearly establish the context of the discussion. Also, add a more detailed thesis statement outlining the main points you will cover.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow between paragraphs. Use more transitional phrases to better link ideas and arguments.
task achievement
Give more specific and varied examples to support your main points. This will make your arguments more compelling and nuanced.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repeating similar phrases and ideas. Aim to explore different angles of the topic to add depth to your essay.
coherence cohesion
Conclude by summarizing the main points more succinctly and potentially offering a recommendation or final thought to leave a lasting impression.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your essay well.
task achievement
You have tackled both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic, showing a balanced approach.
coherence cohesion
Your essay structure is well-organized with distinct paragraphs for different points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • carbon footprint
  • locally produced
  • carbon emissions
  • support local farmers
  • strengthen the community's economy
  • freshness
  • nutritional value
  • seasonal eating
  • varied and balanced diet
  • higher prices
  • economies of scale
  • limited variety
  • economic viability
  • food shortages
  • climate dependency
  • instability in food supply
What to do next:
Look at other essays: