IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Food travels thousand of miles from far to consumer. Some people think it could be better to our enviroment and economic of people only are local produced food. What are the advantages and disadvantages?

Nowadays foods can be imported to
countries
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 easily and it would have some negative and positive aspects. I will discuss two sides of it in the essay.
Due to
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 having advanced transportation systems,
food
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 would
Add a missing verb
be
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able to be transported between continents. It has some benefits,
Firstly
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, various choices will be provided for people, and individuals can try a variety of
flavors
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flavours
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 from all over the world and it brings new recipes and cooking culture too.
Secondly
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, in some
countries
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, some new and efficient supplements have been added to foods that are more healthy and beneficial recently
such
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 as a new generation of breads.
Finally
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, I would like to mention that a number of necessary nutrient items have been demolished in some
countries
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 ,
however
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, to address
this
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 issue, importing them would be a vital act.
On the other hand
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, it has disadvantages too. transporting is always cost for governments
due to
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 providing suitable equipment .
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Also
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Also,
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 storage is another aspect that should be managed.
Additionally
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 relying on the
food
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 resources of the
countries
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 is better for their environment, agriculture and farming are the necessary ways to maintain environmentally friendly activities
instead
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 of industrial factories. It benefits the economy too. Producing
food
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 and preparation process creates lots of job opportunities for the country's citizens. In conclusion, I believe that
while
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 sometimes is crucial for governments to import some
food
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, it would be better for governments to have a strong approach to boosting productivity skills and build a sufficient infrastructure for having enough
food
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 supply
by
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on
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 their own.

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task achievement
To score higher, refine your introduction to more clearly establish the context of the discussion. Also, add a more detailed thesis statement outlining the main points you will cover.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow between paragraphs. Use more transitional phrases to better link ideas and arguments.
task achievement
Give more specific and varied examples to support your main points. This will make your arguments more compelling and nuanced.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repeating similar phrases and ideas. Aim to explore different angles of the topic to add depth to your essay.
coherence cohesion
Conclude by summarizing the main points more succinctly and potentially offering a recommendation or final thought to leave a lasting impression.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your essay well.
task achievement
You have tackled both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic, showing a balanced approach.
coherence cohesion
Your essay structure is well-organized with distinct paragraphs for different points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • carbon footprint
  • locally produced
  • carbon emissions
  • support local farmers
  • strengthen the community's economy
  • freshness
  • nutritional value
  • seasonal eating
  • varied and balanced diet
  • higher prices
  • economies of scale
  • limited variety
  • economic viability
  • food shortages
  • climate dependency
  • instability in food supply
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