IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays, many people argue that the main environmental issue is
death
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the death
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 of particular kinds of
plants
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 and
animals
Use synonyms
. Others believe that we should pay attention to more serious problems than
this
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. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both of the views and argue in favour
for
Change preposition
of
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second
Change the article
the second
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 statement. On the one hand, a wide variety of
plants
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 and
animals
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 have proved beneficial for the country
since
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for
show examples
time
Correct article usage
a time
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 long. First of all, wide
species
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 of
plants
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 and
animals
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 can attract
torists
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tourists
 from all over the world thereby boosting
countrys'
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countries'
ecenomical
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ecological
system
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systems
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.
For instance
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, Africa is well-known for its diversity of animal
species
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 making it one of the preferred
destination
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destinations
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.
Moreover
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, to preserve these
animals
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 many national parks, protected
ares
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areas
 and biosphere reserves have
beeb
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been
 developed which give a large amount of people employment.
Thus
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 some people think that
reduction
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a reduction
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 in
Correct article usage
the
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numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 of
species
Use synonyms
 would be a serious problem.
On the other hand
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, some environmental problems which are of major concern are increasing global
temperature
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, widespread cutting of trees and
air
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 pollution. Recently, there has been rapid growth in quantities of cars,
air
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 conditioners, factories and refrigerators which can emit harmful gases into the environment causing an abrupt rise in
temperature
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 and
air
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 pollution.
For example
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,
temperature
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 growth can result in melting
glaceries
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glaciers
galleries
 which can lead to a rising ocean level. When
sea
Correct article usage
the sea
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 level
got
Verb problem
goes
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 up, countries located on the shores of the ocean are
in
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apply
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imperilment. There is a risk that countries' cities
got
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get
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 flooded by
sea water
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seawater
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.
In addition
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,
tree
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the tree
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 provides us
oxygen
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with oxygen
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 and forests serve as the shelter for most
animals
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. In conclusion,
although
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loss
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the loss
a loss
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 of animal
species
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 and
plants
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 serious
affects
Replace the word
effects
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 on humans,
but
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apply
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in my opinion, problems, namely
air
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 pollution and global
temperature
Use synonyms
 should be considered important.

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task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task requirements, providing a fairly complete response. You discuss both views and provide an opinion. However, you should aim to develop your ideas in more detail, especially in the second body paragraph where the examples could be elaborated further.
coherence cohesion
To improve clarity, focus on organizing your ideas in a more logical structure. Ensure each body paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence and then provide reasons and examples to support your arguments. Some ideas seemed a bit rushed, which can affect overall coherence.
language accuracy
Consider varying your sentence structures and using more complex sentences to demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency. There were also a few grammatical errors (e.g., 'got up' instead of 'rise', 'countrys'' instead of 'country's', 'ecenomical' instead of 'economical'). Pay attention to article usage and plural agreements.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets up the discussion by clearly stating both views and indicating that you will provide an opinion later.
task achievement
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes the arguments and reinforces your opinion, which is essential for task response.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • habitat loss
  • ecosystem
  • food chain
  • imbalance
  • interconnected
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • personal actions
  • policy changes
  • education
  • awareness
What to do next:
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