IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #time #loss #species #plants #animals
Nowadays, many people argue that the main environmental issue is
death
Add an article
the death
show examples
 of particular kinds of
plants
 and
animals
. Others believe that we should pay attention to more serious problems than
this
. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both of the views and argue in favour
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
second
Change the article
the second
show examples
 statement. On the one hand, a wide variety of
plants
 and
animals
 have proved beneficial for the country
since
Change preposition
for
show examples
time
Correct article usage
a time
show examples
 long. First of all, wide
species
 of
plants
 and
animals
 can attract
torists
Correct your spelling
tourists
 from all over the world thereby boosting
countrys'
Correct your spelling
countries'
ecenomical
Correct your spelling
ecological
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
.
For instance
, Africa is well-known for its diversity of animal
species
 making it one of the preferred
destination
Fix the agreement mistake
destinations
show examples
.
Moreover
, to preserve these
animals
 many national parks, protected
ares
Correct your spelling
areas
 and biosphere reserves have
beeb
Correct your spelling
been
 developed which give a large amount of people employment.
Thus
 some people think that
reduction
Correct article usage
a reduction
show examples
 in
Correct article usage
the
show examples
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
species
 would be a serious problem.
On the other hand
, some environmental problems which are of major concern are increasing global
temperature
, widespread cutting of trees and
air
 pollution. Recently, there has been rapid growth in quantities of cars,
air
 conditioners, factories and refrigerators which can emit harmful gases into the environment causing an abrupt rise in
temperature
 and
air
 pollution.
For example
,
temperature
 growth can result in melting
glaceries
Correct your spelling
glaciers
galleries
 which can lead to a rising ocean level. When
sea
Correct article usage
the sea
show examples
 level
got
Verb problem
goes
show examples
 up, countries located on the shores of the ocean are
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
imperilment. There is a risk that countries' cities
got
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 flooded by
sea water
Correct your spelling
seawater
show examples
.
In addition
,
tree
Add an article
the tree
show examples
 provides us
oxygen
Change preposition
with oxygen
show examples
 and forests serve as the shelter for most
animals
. In conclusion,
although
loss
Add an article
the loss
a loss
show examples
 of animal
species
 and
plants
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 serious
affects
Replace the word
effects
show examples
 on humans,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
in my opinion, problems, namely
air
 pollution and global
temperature
 should be considered important.
Submitted by dnm.best on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task requirements, providing a fairly complete response. You discuss both views and provide an opinion. However, you should aim to develop your ideas in more detail, especially in the second body paragraph where the examples could be elaborated further.
coherence cohesion
To improve clarity, focus on organizing your ideas in a more logical structure. Ensure each body paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence and then provide reasons and examples to support your arguments. Some ideas seemed a bit rushed, which can affect overall coherence.
language accuracy
Consider varying your sentence structures and using more complex sentences to demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency. There were also a few grammatical errors (e.g., 'got up' instead of 'rise', 'countrys'' instead of 'country's', 'ecenomical' instead of 'economical'). Pay attention to article usage and plural agreements.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets up the discussion by clearly stating both views and indicating that you will provide an opinion later.
task achievement
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes the arguments and reinforces your opinion, which is essential for task response.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • habitat loss
  • ecosystem
  • food chain
  • imbalance
  • interconnected
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • personal actions
  • policy changes
  • education
  • awareness
What to do next:
Look at other essays: