IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some say that music is as important as other subjects in schools, especially at the preschool level. Do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion.

#say #music #subjects #schools #level
Many people believe that
music
 is a subject that should be taken into consideration like other subjects too , I strongly agree with
this
 statement because it helps young
children
 develop a creative mind ,
also
 it can give them relief time during the long academic
day
 . let's navigate these points more The early years of education are an essential chance for kids to experience the world and
music
 is one of those things that help
children
 become creative and open-minded,
this
 comes through playing an instrument or listening too as well . it gives them the freedom to try and make their own
music
 .
For example
, the majority of
children
 who play
music
 usually shine at other
school
 clubs like art clubs. Another reason why
music
 should be mandatory at
school
 , Is that it can give a space for primary
school
children
 who feel overwhelmed from the long academic
day
 a chance to rest and even out their mind balance for some time by shifting their focus to another thing rather than
school
 subjects.
For instance
 ,
children
 with some form of pressure because of studying could feel more stable after having their
music
 lesson for the
day
 as it gives them some form of relaxation.
Overall
, I totally agree with the notion that
music
 should be part form the
school
`s team activity , as it can contribute to the
children
's creativity and be open-minded,
also
 it offers relief for
children
 who feel stressed out during the
school
day
 .
Submitted by hebadyala on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
To improve task response, make sure the introduction clearly states your position and outlines the main points you will discuss.
coherence
Work on using linking words and phrases more effectively to ensure smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs.
cohesion
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to enhance the sophistication of your writing.
task response
The essay provides relevant examples that support the main points.
task response
The main ideas are clear and relevant to the topic.
coherence
The essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!