Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#people #music #cultures #ages

Some individuals claim that

music

is a good method of gathering

people

from various cultures and ages. Personally, I agree with

this

statement.

Music

is one of the most important fields of art that all

people

can understand around the globe

due to

the mutual international language that everybody can feel so easily.

Music

has lots of benefits. The first point is different types from one culture to another culture which

people

can be more familiar with various cultures.

This

variety is made up of different kinds of instruments, different vocals, and

also

different lyrics.

Also

, many individuals can talk about it and give their own ideas about different factors. In recent centuries, many happenings have taken place during

this

period and the musicians could make pieces of

music

to show their feelings followed by the ordinary

people

sympathising with them.

In addition

, in my opinion, the history could influence

music

For instance

, in some situations, the

music

changed to a kind of statement to make complaints like the Rap, or Blues genres and in other situations became a connection between two lovers like Jazz, or Pop

music

. Nowadays, all

people

to concerts from different parts of the world to have an experience of enjoying the

music

live.

However

music

is not just practical for concerts or ceremonies, it can used as a national anthem in different places

such

as official conferences or sports events.

To sum up

, there is an opinion about uniting

people

of different cultures and ages through

music

This

way is very impressive because every person easily is influenced by listening to it.

Submitted by brightstargalaxy on Sat Jun 22 2024

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task achievement

Consider elaborating on your points with more specific examples. For instance, mention particular events or musicians that illustrate how music unites different cultures and ages.

coherence cohesion

Improve transitions between paragraphs to create a smoother flow. Linking sentences can help guide readers through your argument more easily.

task achievement

Address some potential counterarguments to strengthen your position. Acknowledging and refuting opposing views can make your argument more compelling.

task achievement

Your introduction clearly states your agreement with the statement, providing a strong starting point for your essay.

task achievement

You have made a valid point about the historical influence of music and its ability to convey emotions and messages, which enhances your argument.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a well-defined conclusion that summarizes your main argument effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

267 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

universal language
evoke
connect
diverse audiences
cultural exchange
generational gaps
shared experiences
unifying force

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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

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