IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#people #music #cultures #ages
Some individuals claim that
music
 is a good method of gathering
people
 from various cultures and ages. Personally, I agree with
this
 statement.
Music
 is one of the most important fields of art that all
people
 can understand around the globe
due to
 the mutual international language that everybody can feel so easily.
Music
 has lots of benefits. The first point is different types from one culture to another culture which
people
 can be more familiar with various cultures.
This
 variety is made up of different kinds of instruments, different vocals, and
also
 different lyrics.
Also
, many individuals can talk about it and give their own ideas about different factors. In recent centuries, many happenings have taken place during
this
 period and the musicians could make pieces of
music
 to show their feelings followed by the ordinary
people
 sympathising with them.
In addition
, in my opinion, the history could influence
music
.
For instance
, in some situations, the
music
 changed to a kind of statement to make complaints like the Rap, or Blues genres and in other situations became a connection between two lovers like Jazz, or Pop
music
. Nowadays, all
people
 to concerts from different parts of the world to have an experience of enjoying the
music
 live.
However
,
music
 is not just practical for concerts or ceremonies, it can used as a national anthem in different places
such
 as official conferences or sports events.
To sum up
, there is an opinion about uniting
people
 of different cultures and ages through
music
.
This
 way is very impressive because every person easily is influenced by listening to it.
Submitted by brightstargalaxy on

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task achievement
Consider elaborating on your points with more specific examples. For instance, mention particular events or musicians that illustrate how music unites different cultures and ages.
coherence cohesion
Improve transitions between paragraphs to create a smoother flow. Linking sentences can help guide readers through your argument more easily.
task achievement
Address some potential counterarguments to strengthen your position. Acknowledging and refuting opposing views can make your argument more compelling.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your agreement with the statement, providing a strong starting point for your essay.
task achievement
You have made a valid point about the historical influence of music and its ability to convey emotions and messages, which enhances your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a well-defined conclusion that summarizes your main argument effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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