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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think there is no need to travel anymore, because we can see the world using the internet. Others think it's still important to travel. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

In an era dominated by technological advancements, the debate surrounding the necessity of navigation has intensified.
While
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 some assert that the internet suffices for exploring the globe, others contend that experiencing different cultures firsthand remains crucial.
This
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 essay will examine both perspectives before articulating a reasoned opinion. Exploring the world through an online network saves time and money, making it a practical alternative to a physical excursion. Individuals can now immerse themselves in virtual tours of iconic landmarks or engage with diverse cultures through digital platforms without incurring the expenses associated with transportation and accommodation.
Furthermore
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, viewing up-to-date online content allows for a quick and comprehensive understanding of global events and cultures. The safer nature of virtual exploration is
also
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 noteworthy; it eliminates risks associated with expedition,
such
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 as exposure to illness or crime.
Additionally
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, the convenience afforded by digital accessibility means one can 'travel' anywhere in nature instantaneously, making it an attractive option for many.
On the other hand
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, the intrinsic value of travel surpasses mere visual engagement. Physical journeys cultivate deep emotional connections and invaluable memories that virtual experiences often fail to replicate. Being physically present in a new environment fosters genuine cultural understanding, as one interacts with locals, partakes in traditional activities, and experiences the nuances of a culture firsthand.
Such
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 interactions often lead to transformative experiences that online platforms cannot adequately simulate.
Thus
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,
while
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 technology offers a remarkable tool for exploration, it is imperative to note that it cannot replace the authentic connections and profound insights gained from an actual trip. In conclusion,
while
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 the internet provides an efficient and economical means of experiencing the world, it cannot replace the unique emotional and cultural richness derived from physical movement.
Therefore
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, it is essential to strike a balance, utilising both technology and traditional movements to fully appreciate the vast diversity that our world has to offer.

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task response
Make your main point in a clear line in the first paragraph and stick to it as you write.
task response
Add strong, real life examples to back up claims.
coherence
Use better links to show how ideas are tied from one part to the next.
coherence
Make each paragraph hold one idea and end with a line that links to the next.
language
Check small grammar and fix errors so the read is smooth.
content
The idea to show both views is clear.
structure
There is a good structure with an intro, two body parts and a conclusion.
coherence
The essay uses some good linking words to show flow.
content
It gives a reason why travel still matters.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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