Some people say that schools should concentrate on teaching students academic subjects that will be useful for their future careers. Other people, say that subjects such as music and sports are also necessary. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Education in general is always a topic of interest. Some assert that academic
subjects
should be focused on teaching, while
others state that a mix of academic and non-academic subjects
is better. In this
essay, I will discuss both viewpoints and give the final opinion later.
On the one hand, It is inevitable that these subjects
will be directly beneficial for students
in terms of gaining knowledge that might be helpful for them in the future. Due to
the provision of academic curriculums about fundamental information and practical skills that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
students
can use this
knowledge for any jobs that they apply for later on. Moreover
, acdemic
Correct your spelling
academic
subjects
might be easier to acknowledge a person’s qualifications and abilities. This
is because these subjects
will be given in terms of score
based on the coursework or exams Fix the agreement mistake
scores
Therefore
, a company can make comparisons between applicants through their scores, meaning that students
who focus on academic subjects
could be more competitive when applying for a job.
On the other hand
, it seems to be more balanced to have any non-academic subjects
that students
can do. The importance of music and sports in student’s life is seen as a tool for reducing mental health issues. If students
are provided with a good combination of academic and non-academic subjects
, thus
, it could help them in terms of soft skills and personality fostering. This
is because the majority of sports requires
teamwork and logical thinking for strategy. Correct subject-verb agreement
require
While
music essentially demands the coordination of the brain, eyes and hands to play an instrument, as a result
, it would increase their flexibility and develop their personality.
In conclusion, although
academic subjects
are essential in providing students
with basic knowledge to use in their future careers. However
, I personally believe that the combination will be better for a well-rounded development for each individual since it not only helps with reducing mental health issues but also
gives students
the opportunity to foster their personality and other skills in the long term.Submitted by kkhanhnhitr0801 on
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spelling
Pay careful attention to spelling errors (e.g., 'acdemic' should be 'academic'). Spelling mistakes can slightly hinder understanding.
specific examples
Try to further elaborate on specific examples to strengthen your points. Providing more detailed instances can help increase relevance and clarity.
transitions
Enhance the transitions between paragraphs to improve the overall flow. Using connector words and bridging phrases can help to link ideas more naturally.
task completion
The essay addresses both viewpoints comprehensively and concludes with a clear opinion, fulfilling the task requirements well.
structure
Logical structure is generally well maintained, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
support
Main points are adequately supported with explanations, providing clarity to the reader.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.