Many governments spend too much money on weapons and military equipment. It would be better for the government to use the money spent on the military to improve its citizens' quality of life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Nowadays government authorities invest enormous amounts of
money
in purchasing various military equipment and weapons. Some claim that spending that money
on developing people's living conditions would have more beneficial impacts on society rather than splurging on empowering military forces. I completely agree with the given statement since it will enhance the economy
of the countries
and will help them to develop good relationships with other countries
.
Firstly
, one of the primary reasons for supporting the idea of expending money
on boosting people's quality of life is the fact that it will directly impact on level
of economic activities of the governments. The primary method of increasing the satisfaction level
of the public is to encourage residents to engage in certain business activities within the country and allow them to contribute to the production level
of certain domestic products. By following
this
route, states can enhance the entire economy
, which in turn will increase people's overall
well-being. For instance
, South Korea is renowned for having a population with high income and better living conditions achieved by investing in numerous sectors of the economy
.
Secondly
, spending a lot of money
on the economy
and increasing the production level
of the country will encourage governments to trade internationally. In order to make the process of importing and exporting goods and services from and to overseas countries
, authorities to build sustainable and long-term relationships with one another, and evade all potential conflicts in the future. Those initiatives will completely eliminate the need for funding the purchase of arms and weapons and expanding their armies. For example
, nowadays China is the main provider of many products to the other states, and without its transactions, many countries
would lack basic goods and services. Therefore
, almost all countries
are trying to have a better connection with it and avoid all points that might lead to war.
To conclude
, in my opinion, instead
of allocating too much money
to military services, governments should concentrate on improving the well-being of citizens to possess a better economy
and stronger communications with the rest of the world.Submitted by Dinare Abdullayeva on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your essay does a good job of staying focused on the task and offers clear reasons for your viewpoint. However, to achieve an even higher score, you might consider addressing potential counterarguments and demonstrating why they are less compelling.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is generally well-organized, further refining your transition phrases and making sure each point smoothly connects to the next could enhance readability. For instance, the transition between your first and second main point could be more fluid.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position and sets up the essay well. It is concise and directly relevant to the task.
coherence cohesion
The essay's body paragraphs are structured logically, and each paragraph focuses on one main idea which supports your overall argument.