IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people Why might this be the cause? Do you think this is a positive or a negative situation?

#countries #home #people #be #situation
There is no denying the fact that there is an ongoing debate with compelling reasons why it is of paramount importance to own a home better than renting.
This
 essay will discuss the causes of
this
 trend and the positive aspects of owning a
house
.
To begin
 with, there are many reasons to own a place to live in.
Firstly
, buying a
house
 is an essential asset.
In other words
, having your own place can prevent you from spending an extensive amount of money in the future,
although
 it could cost a fortune to purchase a home in the beginning.
In addition
, purchasing a household can be a great deal to invest.
For example
, if someone buys a
house
, later the price of
this
 building might increase to double the price. In terms of the positive aspects, we could use our money wisely to invest in buying not renting. It is
also
 possible to say that, we could ensure having a home forever rather than renting places where we might be broke one day and not have enough money to cover the rent.
Moreover
, we can design our
house
 without consent from the landlord.
For instance
, one might dislike some specific decorations, so he or she could change them without permission from anyone because they
own
Correct subject-verb agreement
owns
show examples
 the place. To encapsulate the essence of everything said above, there are many reasons to own a household
such
 as investing and having it for the rest of your life. It is
also
 true that the benefits of purchasing a household far exceed the disadvantages.
Submitted by deemaalkhathlan1 on

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coherence
While the essay generally flows well, there are a few sentences and phrases that could be clarified or streamlined for better coherence. Try to avoid redundant phrases and ensure each sentence adds new information or context.
cohesion
Make sure every paragraph has a clear central idea and supports the overall argument. For instance, the second paragraph could explicitly mention that one reason people prefer owning a home is financial security, and then elaborate on it. Explicit topic sentences help guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
In some sentences, vocabulary could be more varied to enhance the complexity and readability of the essay. For example, instead of repeating 'buying a house,' you could use synonyms like 'purchasing property' or 'acquiring real estate.'
introduction conclusion present
The introduction effectively sets up the debate by emphasizing the importance of owning a home over renting, and clearly states the intent to discuss both causes and positive aspects.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion successfully encapsulates the main points discussed in the essay and reinforces the writer's stance that the benefits of owning a home outweigh the disadvantages.
relevant specific examples
Specific examples, like the potential increase in property value and the ability to redesign a home, help illustrate the points made about the benefits of home ownership.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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