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Writing Samples
Band 7

some people say that devoting one's time to family activities is more importsnt than spending time working. Others believe that dedicating one's time to work is more important. Discus both views and give your own opinion.

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It is often argued that quality
time
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 with one's family is essential,
while
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 others insist that the
time
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 a person spends working is more beneficial than the
time
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 he or she spends interacting with their family. From my perspective, the former seems more plausible, but both sides of the issue will be examined in
this
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 essay.
To begin
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 with, it can be argued that working
time
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 is important to a family's financial
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
 because if a worker cannot make a living, the
overall
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 happiness of his or her family
cannnot
Correct your spelling
cannot
can
 be ensured.
Therefore
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, most people must commit much of their lives to their careers.
For example
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, parents sometimes miss out on events in their children's lives, but
this
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 does not indicate that they are uninterested in their family. In order to be able to afford their children's education, parents must work long hours that sometimes separate them from their families. It's a sacrifice for the family's
overall
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 happiness and success.
On the other hand
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, it is commonly believed that spending
time
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 with one's family is more valuable as it contributes more to an individual's happiness and that of his or her family. The
time
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 with family is usually fun and relaxing,
whereas
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 working
time
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 can often be very stressful.
According to
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 a poll by the Center for Family Development, the majority of respondents ranked family
time
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 over working
time
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 when asked about the things that brought the most satisfaction to their lives.
Also
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, when asked whether being with their family and being at work were positive or negative experiences, an overwhelming 85 per cent responded that they always enjoy the
time
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 that they spend with their families. In conclusion,
while
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 it is apparent that
time
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 used for working is sometimes more crucial than family
time
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, it is undeniable that enjoying family
time
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 is generally more important and should be a priority.

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task achievement
Your argument could benefit from more balanced support for both views. Consider providing a more in-depth example or additional rationale for the viewpoint that supports work over family time, to ensure both perspectives are equally strong.
coherence cohesion
Aim to use more varied linking words to further enhance the coherence of your essay. This will help to make the transitions between your points even smoother.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a solid structure for your argument.
task achievement
Your main points are well-supported with reasoning and examples, making your argument persuasive.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Work-life balance
  • Career advancement
  • Family unity
  • Bonding
  • Quality time
  • Societal expectations
  • Cultural differences
  • Technological flexibility
  • Well-being
  • Professional growth
  • Financial stability
  • Communication
  • Mental health
  • Physical health
  • Priorities
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