Some people state arts courses such painting or drawing should not be made compulsory for high school students .To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some
people
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believe scholars must have an obligation to learn about drawing.
However
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, painting will make student can improve their
skills
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through drawing. I disagree if painting or drawing is not available again at school.
This
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essay will discuss the following below. When students learn from elementary school need a character to know what they have.
Firstly
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,
people
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must have
skills
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for their future because in the next life have to have
skills
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and innovation to for apply a job.
In addition
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,
people
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should increase their ability to paint or draw,
This
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is very important next time and
this
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can be the first way to become an architect,
For instance
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, an architect expert must have the skill to draw another type of building where
this
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work has points for the future.
On the other hand
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, having many
skills
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is absolutely effortless to find a job.
Secondly
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, Other experts argue
also
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art is number one without abilities
people
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can not join other companies or communities, you can draw and painting is powerful.
Nevertheless
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, some
people
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do not need and care about
this
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subject. Actually,
this
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subject is important and very needed in the future.
Therefore
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, the Government of ministry education must have terms with
this
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condition and situation for qualities of students.
For example
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, If students have the ambition to work in design grafis or editors must have the skill to draw
also
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in
this
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modern era all about technology,
this
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is very easy to get a lot of money if they can keep and improve their
skills
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. In conclusion, from the
first,
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I could not agree.
However
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, subjects of draw and painting have to be there at school because
this
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can give much income and a big salary.
In addition
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, design grafis need
skills
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to draw and paint an editor of the video.
Submitted by patricius.yohanes on

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task response
Your essay generally addresses the topic, but you need to develop your points more clearly and comprehensively. Make sure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. Including more specific examples can also enhance the response.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, you should work on the logical flow of your essay. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Using connectors and linking words appropriately can help achieve this. Additionally, make sure your introduction and conclusion clearly outline your main argument and summarize your points.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are interesting but could be presented with more clarity. Take time to plan your essay before writing, ensuring each idea is well supported and logically follows from the previous one.
task response
You have a clear position on the topic, which is good. Stating your viewpoint clearly at the beginning helps set up your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion restates the importance of art subjects, which reinforces your argument effectively.
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