In many countries, childhood obesity is a growing problem. What are the reasons for this and what can individuals and governments do to tackle the problem?
Nowadays many countries are faced with soaring levels of childhood
obesity
which if left unchecked, will lead to serious health problems in the future population of these countries. This
problem
can be explained by changes in our lifestyle
and diet
and it is important that we along with
the government try and address these changes.
The diet
of young people
has changed
dramatically over the years. Processed foods
are very popular with lots of young people
and these foods
are often laden with saturated fats and refined sugars, both of which have been proven to lead to obesity
. This
problem
is made worse by the fact that many children
lead a much more sedentary lifestyle
than in the past and are therefore
not burning the calories that they consume in their diet
. These are the main causes of obesity
in children
.
There are some things that we as individuals can do to combat this
problem
. We need to teach young people
how to lead a healthy life and encourage them to be more active. The main people
who are responsible for this
are schools and parents. The latter should also
make sure that they are aware of what their children
eat and encourage them to choose healthier foods
.
Governments can also
help to tackle this
problem
. They should promote a healthy lifestyle
for their citizens and also
make sure that children
have access to subsidised sporting facilities. Furthermore
, they could take measures to improve our diet
. They could introduce regulations about food ingredients and make unhealthy foods
more expensive for us to buy. Some countries have started to do this
by introducing a so-called ‘sugar tax’ on sugary food.
In conclusion, it is clear that
growing obesity
levels amongst our youth is a burning issue which needs to be addressed or we will face huge health problems in the future. However
, as we understand the triggers, there are steps we can take to promote a healthy lifestyle
for children
.Submitted by jolo9419jmor on
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task achievement
Try to elaborate more on how individuals apart from schools and parents can contribute to solving the problem of childhood obesity for a more comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
Use more varied linking words and cohesive devices to create better flow and connection between ideas. Some paragraphs could be further split to maintain clarity.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or case studies for a richer and more convincing argument, especially from diverse geographical regions.
coherence cohesion
Consider adding more sub-topics or sections to break the text appropriately and to enhance the reader’s understanding.
task achievement
The essay adequately covers the causes of childhood obesity and addresses solutions from both individual and governmental perspectives.
coherence cohesion
The introduction sets a clear context and the conclusion effectively summarises the main points, reinforcing the argument made.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure and flow of arguments are generally good, with appropriate sequencing of ideas.
task achievement
The main points are all relevant and well-crafted, directly addressing the topic prompt.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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