IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

At present a lot people use traditional medicine rather than going to the doctor. Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #medicine #doctor #development
These days , a number of
people
 who are ill rely on alternative
medicines
instead
 of consulting doctors. In my opinion ,
such
 an approach is a positive development which can help in saving money and staying healthy
Firstly
, traditional
medicines
 are cheaper than conventional
medicines
.
In other words
, the traditional
medicines
 are produced from natural sources. Some of them can be planted easily, and others can be found in the kitchen cabinet.
Therefore
,
people
 do not need to spend a lot of money on their treatments. If they visit a doctor, they might spend more, and in some cases, they can not continue their treatment.
For example
, in Yemen, whenever
people
 suffer from a cold, they drink tea with honey and lemon, which is considered the most effective treatment, and they can save around 15 dollars by visiting a doctor.
Consequently
, they can allocate their money towards other expenses.
Secondly
, traditional
medicines
 do not cause any dangerous side effects.
In other words
, they are produced from herbal tablets and remedies, and when
people
 consume them, they will not get any problems. In fact, consuming old-fashioned cures is healthy because they have a lot of vitamins and minerals which are important for the body.
For instance
, by drinking a spoonful of honey every day,
people
 can get all the important nutrients that they need.
However
, if
people
 rely on modern
medicines
, they might experience weight gain, fatigue, and or organ failure because of the chemicals that can be found in the medicine.
Hence
, alternative medicine is the safest treatment for everyone.
To sum up
, I once again reaffirm my position that traditional
medicines
 are safer than modern
medicines
.
Submitted by s_syedy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider expanding your arguments with more depth and variety. Discuss potential drawbacks and counterarguments for a more comprehensive exploration of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Use cohesive devices effectively to maintain a clear flow of ideas throughout your essay.
task achievement
Try to elaborate on key points to provide a deeper analysis. This can improve the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas.
task response
You open with a clear thesis statement that sets the tone for the essay.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph has a clear main idea that supports your argument.
task response
You provide relevant and specific examples which effectively illustrate your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: