Some people think that schools are too competitive and that this has a negative impact on children. Others believe the competitive environment encourages children to achieve. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
The issue of what kind of environment should be provided by schools has long been a thorny
one
. While
many feel that the level of competitiveness found within education is excessive, others believe that it is necessary in order to inspire children
to excel.
The case against excessive competition in school is a compelling one
. By definition, not everyone can win a contest: where one
child wins, another loses. Should a child lose consistently, he may be demotivated in his studies or dismissed by his peers, which could in turn lead to feelings of inadequacy and even a lack of drive later in life
. Secondly
, many believe that bringing out other qualities in children
would be more beneficial. For example
, former US President Franklin D. Roosevelt strongly advocated the promotion of cooperation over competition as a far more useful life
skill. Were it the case that children
were taught to work with instead
of against each other, they may go on to accomplish far more.
On the other hand
, learning to compete has its benefits too. Many argue that it better prepares the next generation for the real world. Whether they are applying to a top university, seeking a new promotion, or running their own company, adult life
is full of experiences where one
is in competition with others. If pupils are primed for this
from an early age, they are perhaps more likely to push themselves harder to succeed as adults. Take students from Asia as an example: they are often raised in an extremely competitive environment and, as a result
, tend to achieve more academically than Western children
.
To conclude
, it is clear that
this
is not a straightforward issue. However
, I believe that as much as learning to compete is an essential life
skill in today’s world, cooperation between children
should also
be at the forefront of education to ensure a balanced future generation.Submitted by jolo9419jmor on
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task achievement
In the argument against excessive competition, using more contemporary examples or psychological studies would add depth and concreteness to the points made.
task achievement
You have made some very good points about the importance of both competition and cooperation. However, expanding on the cultural differences mentioned in the second argument, like providing more specific statistics or studies from Asia, could further strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure, with a defined introduction, body paragraphs discussing each viewpoint, and a well-rounded conclusion.
task achievement
The arguments are well-balanced and supported with relevant examples, such as the reference to Franklin D. Roosevelt and the comparison of Asian and Western educational approaches.
coherence cohesion
Logical transitions between paragraphs help maintain a coherent and cohesive structure.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively encapsulates the essay's main points and offers your perspective clearly and concisely.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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