IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Competitiveness is generally considered a good quality for people to have in society. Do you think it is a positive development or negative trend ? how does competitiveness affect individuals?

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Competition
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 in current times has become a main issue not only on a local scale but
also
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 in a global
context
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.
This
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 topic seems to bring a positive
development
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 rather than a negative one.
Likewise
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,
people
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 in a society in which they compete over something will likely have a vast amount of good opportunities owing to personal
development
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.
According to
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 the
context
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 of
competition
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 scope, the antecedent theories of
competition
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 brought by globally renowned economist, Adam Smith, objected heavily to comparative advantages.
This
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 term means every single entity in the world has its own special characteristics and or resources.
Thus
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, it makes them able to compete with others. To elucidate
this
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 opinion, on a minuscule scale,
people
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 have innate traits that bring special abilities,
such
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 as astute skills.
This
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 skill acts as a weapon for
people
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 to enhance their bargaining power,
such
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 as negotiating a salary in a job. In the global
context
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,
similarly
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, these resources act like an ability that allows the countries to offer stuff that may be impossible to produce effectively in another country.
For example
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, Indonesia has strong advantages in its tropical climate that permits it to produce several exotic kinds of wood, which it can sell to other countries which does not have
this
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 kind of
lucre
Correct your spelling
luxury
show examples
.
Therefore
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, the
competition
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 is truly a positive
development
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 to ignite
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
personal
development
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 albeit it has several bad attributes,
such
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 as discord potentials. By deciphering the
competition
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 term, it can be easily derived to an individual effect. Both small and big
context
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 involves the role of individuals.
People
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 need to identify their abilities that bring advantages to win a
competition
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.
For instance
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, students who take a university entrance exam need to understand their mastery of subjects.
This
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 act will enhance the possibility of the student being admitted to their desired universities.
Furthermore
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, in a more global
context
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, the policymaker needs scrutiny to decide whether the act that they take will bring the country to victory or not.
This
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 indirect effect will lead
people
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 to be more critical and may reap better skills.
To conclude
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,
competition
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 is undeniable in
this
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 globalization era and engulfs the entire world. Yet, it can lure an opportunity to an individual without any exceptions.
People
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 cannot withhold their self from
this
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 phenomenon. They need to engage and embrace it by which they can develop themselves.

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coherence cohesion
While the essay maintains a clear overall progression, some ideas could be elaborated on more effectively to tighten the logical structure. Aim to connect main points seamlessly using a range of cohesive devices.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are clearly distinct from the body paragraphs and effectively encapsulate the essay's main arguments and reflections.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with more detailed and explicit examples. This will enhance the clarity of your arguments and demonstrate a richer understanding of the topic.
task achievement
You have addressed the prompt adequately, but the response can be further developed by exploring the topic more deeply and presenting a more comprehensive analysis.
task achievement
Present ideas in a clearer and more comprehensive manner. Refrain from overgeneralizations and strive for precision in argumentation, ensuring that your points directly support your thesis.
task achievement
Incorporate more relevant and specific examples to substantiate your arguments. Using concrete illustrations will not only add credibility to your essay but also make your position more convincing.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • strive for excellence
  • innovation
  • progress
  • harmful stress
  • anxiety
  • collaboration
  • teamwork
  • self-confidence
  • resilience
  • cutthroat culture
  • growth mindset
  • undue pressure
  • fear of failure
  • merit-based
  • social inequalities
  • globalization
  • trade wars
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