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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

For centuries, Iportant parts os education have remained such as reading, writing, maths. With the advent of computers sompe people think that computer skills be made as fourth skill to the list. To what extent do you agree?

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In
this
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 modern era, the invention of modern technology has made people's lives easier.
Computers
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, laptops, smartphones, and iPads are becoming daily necessities nowadays. Some individuals opine that computer studies should be included as a fourth subject in academics
as well as
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 other subjects like reading, writing, and math. In my perspective, I agree with
this
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 statement, and in the following essay, I will explain the reasons for my favouritism and mention the required examples.
To begin
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 with, the first merit, adding studies in technology as a major, can be a job opportunity. People must work to meet their daily needs. Most of the workers have to do their official work,
such
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 as connecting with clients, sending mail, creating files,and observing other employees by CCTV on their
computers
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. It can be said that if
students
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 receive a chance to gain knowledge in the computer sector in the
education
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 institute at an early age,
then
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 they will utilize it in their office services or businesses.
Additionally
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, many development companies want employees who have experience with
computers
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.
Students
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 can take advantage of
this
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 offer, even though sometimes they receive incentives for getting better salaries.
For instance
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, a study revealed that a knowledgeable person in the modern technology sector always gets priority over ordinary candidates.
Secondly
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, academic majors
such
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 as reading, writing, and math have been a crucial part of
education
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 for centuries.
Students
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 who complete their studies in these subjects without any wisdom on the modern web cannot match the present phenomenon. Many scholars admit to various technology-related courses like CCNA or CCNP after completing their secondary
education
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 or graduation.
Therefore
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, it consumes their tremendous time, and
then
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 they could be qualified for their dream job. In conclusion,
although
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 there are many subjects for
students
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, it may become extra pressure for adolescents to gain knowledge on
computers
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, which will be helpful for their future. The
Education
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 Institute should teach
computers
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 as a major.

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to include a thesis statement in your introduction to clearly state your position.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion need to be more developed and provide a clear summary of your main points.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points and illustrate your arguments.
grammatical range accuracy
Some sentences could be rephrased to improve clarity and coherence.
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