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Writing Samples
Band 8.5

Some people support modern developments in agriculture such as factory farming and creation of new types of fruits and vegetables. However, other people oppose this view. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Modern developments in agriculture,
such
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 as factory farming and the creation of new types of fruits and vegetables through genetic modification, are supported by some people for their potential to enhance food production and security.
However
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, others oppose these practices owing to
concerns
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 about
health
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 risks and environmental impact.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives and argue that, despite some drawbacks, the benefits of these agricultural advancements outweigh their disadvantages.
Initially
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, the foremost benefit is the higher adaptation in severe natural habitats. Biologists can generate a better crop by breeding in the laboratory, which possesses some superior selected traits, particularly growth in tough climates including drought, salinity or poor fertility soil. The additional feature is the better resistance to pests, insects, fungi or bacteria of engineering plants, which minimizes the damage of these factors. To eliminate some
health
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concerns
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 related to some side effects of using pesticides and herbicides, farmers could cultivate pest resilience vegetables and minimize fertilization labour efforts.
As a result
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, reducing the damage involving severe habitat and the influences of insects can contribute to increasing crops harvested and ensuring a stable food supply.
Besides
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, genetically modified plants have better nourishment and generate higher yield volume in comparison with native plants, which will solve some urgent issues, including malnutrition or some ailments owing to the lack of essential minerals.
Firstly
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, the chief disadvantage is
health
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concerns
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 from customers. The long-term effects of consuming genetically modified crops are still debated, with some studies suggesting potential
health
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 risks. There are some special cases reported in patients who were allergic immediately after eating an artificial bell pepper.
Secondly
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, intensive farming practices can lead to soil degradation, water pollution, and loss of biodiversity
due to
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 abusive chemical products during cultivation.
For example
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, abusive pesticides
also
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 lead to the diminishing of the bee population, and the shortage of natural pollinators results in lower yield harvested on the whole.
To conclude
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, the higher adaptation, better resistance, and enhanced nutritional value of genetically modified crops can address issues like malnutrition and ensure global food security.
Although
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 there are valid
health
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concerns
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 and environmental risks associated with industrial farming, the
overall
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 advantages of modern agricultural developments for human well-being and cereal supply are significant. Ultimately, the benefits of these advancements in agriculture justify their continued use and
further
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 development.

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task achievement
Try to use more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, mentioning specific studies or cases can provide more credibility and depth to the points you are presenting.
task achievement
Ensure that each point you make is fully elaborated and illustrated, so that there is a comprehensive understanding of your argument from the reader's perspective.
coherence cohesion
Your essay features a well-structured introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion and summarizing your main points.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are clear and are logically developed, showing strong coherence and cohesion throughout the essay.
task achievement
You provided a balanced discussion by fairly presenting both viewpoints before giving your opinion, which gives depth to your analysis.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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