Art and music are considered some of the fundamental elements of all societies. Do you think art and music still have a place in today's modern world of technology? Should children spend more time learning art and music at school?
Some
subjects
, such
as art
and music
, contribute to the core elements across various sets of population
. I contend that these courses play an important role in the digital era, but Fix the agreement mistake
populations
this
should not equate to allocating additional teaching time for learning such
creative subjects
.
It appears that art
is still revered across the world, as millions of people fly across the world to visit museums in different cities. For instance
, Louvre
Museum, located in Paris, France, had a step fall of more than 3 million tourists in 2022, who came to see Correct article usage
the Louvre
Mona
Lisa, a famous painting by Leonardo Da Vinci, which seems to demonstrate that Correct article usage
the Mona
art
is still popular among the masses. In addition
to this
, music
has gained enormous popularity as it became
more accessible for the common person Wrong verb form
has become
due to
advancements in technology. For instance
, mobile devices enable most users to enjoy immersive listening experiences from their own homes, which was not possible in the past. This
has led to an instrumental monumental or phenomenal rise in people who consume music
through online applications, like Spotify.
Even though both, art
and music
, are vital subjects
for children, as they foster creativity and broaden one’s imagination, they should not be allotted extra time. If more time is spent on creative modules, it might hinder the student’s ability to focus on important subjects
, deterring them from performing well in examinations. This
would impact their career growth negatively, if they opt to pursue largely academic fields, like Medicine or Engineering.
To conclude
, I reiterate that, although
art
and music
form an essential component of our societies, it is imperative that such
subjects
should not be taught for increased
number of hours as it will harm the student’s ability to prioritize other Add an article
an increased
the increased
subjects
, resulting in reduced number of career opportunities in the future.Submitted by Writing8
on
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coherence cohesion
Try to improve the logical structure by ensuring that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. For instance, avoid disjointed shifts between how art and music are appreciated and the impact of dedicating more school time to these subjects.
task achievement
Enhance the support of your main points with additional evidence or reasoning. While your examples about the Louvre and Spotify are good, adding more details on how these platforms indicate broader trends could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear, well-defined, and address the question directly.
task achievement
Your essay provides specific examples like the Louvre Museum and Spotify, making your points more concrete and relatable.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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