In general, people are living longer now. Which of the following do you think accounts for this phenomenon? •Technological improvements •Changes to education systems •Improvements to our diets Use specific details and examples in your answer. You may choose more than one cause.

These days, people's
life
expectancy
is longer than in previous eras
due to
the development of the selection of food intake
along with
a quality of
education
.
This
essay will discuss it briefly for the following reasons.
To begin
with, the
populations'
Change noun form
population's
show examples
life
expectancy
is longer
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these days.
This
is because the medical field has been improving and all
diseases
have been cured, especially the deadly
diseases
because of the quality of
education
.
For example
, HIV and Cancer are deadly
diseases
but our researchers and scientists have found medicines to expand the population's
life
.
Hence
, a normal person can live more than sixty years of
life
because of the changes and integrity of
education
.
Furthermore
, numerous people have more concern towards their foodstuffs without adding
fat based
Add a hyphen
fat-based
show examples
foods.
This
is, a proper
diet
bring
Change the verb form
brings
show examples
a healthy lifestyle in order to the individuals stay far away from any chronic illnesses like
diabetic
Replace the word
diabetes
show examples
, heart stroke, heart attack and cancer.
For instance
, nutrients
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
usually live a long year on the grounds they must practice a
diet
chart and they do not eat carbs based on cuisines. Needless to say, following a proper
diet
can help to prevention of affecting any illness and live a long year. In conclusion, the public's
life
expectancy
has been improving the two major reasons; the quality of
education
provides the medicine
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
the deadly
diseases
as well
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
following an adequate
diet
assist
Correct subject-verb agreement
assists
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
having a healthy
life
,
therefore
, people's
life
expectancy
is longer years.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

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task achievement
Try to add more specific examples to support your points. Detailed examples can make your arguments more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Use more linking words and phrases to create smooth transitions.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively present the main idea of the essay.
complete response
You have addressed the task appropriately and provided relevant points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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