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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say free time activities for children should be organized by parents. Others say that children should be free to choose what they do in their free time.

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People
Use synonyms
 have different views as to whether organizing recreational
activities
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 is important for
children
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 or if they have to be independent in choosing anything in their free
time
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.
While
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 there are potential benefits to choosing what to do for
children
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 on their own, I believe that leisure
activities
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 should be chosen for each child by
parents
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 and school teachers. There are certain benefits for young
people
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 to help them find the right
activities
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 during their free
time
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 from their
parents
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 or school teachers
due to
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 their lack of maturity. Young
people
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 have a tendency to centralize everything, whether it is positive or negative.
In other words
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, some
activities
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,
such
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 as playing online games or committing theft without understanding the real consequences, may develop bad
behaviors
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behaviours
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 that become a stumbling block for their prospects.
Therefore
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, until they become mature enough, school teachers and
parents
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 have to be responsible in terms of directing them to a variety of
activities
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 that are useful for their future lives.
For example
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, if
parents
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 give advice to play physical and mental games, it can
contribute
Verb problem
help
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 them maintain a healthy lifestyle and develop cognitive
skills
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, resulting in their
overall
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 well-being. Young
people
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also
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 have the right to be busy with whatever they want. The main reason is that most
parents
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 and others do not know which activity they like, leading to dissatisfaction during their play. More specifically,
children
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 should decide on
activities
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 based on their interests. As long as they spend
time
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 with processes that help them to be happy,
a
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have a
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sense of satisfaction, and the development of a variety of
skills
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such
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 as critical thinking, emotional, and social
skills
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 through relieving stress and staying strong against mental disorders.
Finally
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, in terms of the selection, something during free
time
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 has to be up to youngsters. In conclusion,
although
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children
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 can develop a variety of
skills
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 and improve satisfaction, I believe that their lack of maturity often misleads them and may negatively impact their future.

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coherence cohesion
Try to make transitions between ideas smoother. This will make your essay flow better and help the reader follow your arguments more easily.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or case studies to support your points. This will make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
task achievement
Work on the clarity of expression in some sentences to make your ideas more easily understood.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your arguments well.
task achievement
The essay covers both perspectives effectively, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.
task achievement
You provide relevant reasoning to support your arguments, indicating a good understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • balanced development
  • expose children to
  • tailored activities
  • promote discipline
  • foster independence
  • genuine interests
  • free play
  • problem-solving skills
  • emotional well-being
  • unstructured time
  • personal exploration
  • structured activities
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