IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say the government should give healthcare the first priority, some others believe there are more important priorities to spend taxer’s money. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

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Worldwide governments must manage properly the monetary resources in all
fields
Use synonyms
. Many people argue that the most important topic
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 which governors should focus
on
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apply
show examples
is the healthcare system,
nevertheless
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, I staunchly consider that
although
Linking Words
 the health field is vital in the development of societies, money
have
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has
show examples
 to be equally distributed. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss both sides
,
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apply
show examples
 and explain my reasons in detail. To start with, it is
well-kwon
Correct your spelling
well-known
 that people have to be
health
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healthy
show examples
 in order to be able to
performe
Correct your spelling
perform
 other tasks,
then
Linking Words
 disease prevention
as well as
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 health promotion are crucial to guarantee quality of life in humankind.
Then
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, most countries are spending on campaigns to improve lifestyles and drop the
everincreasing
Correct your spelling
ever-increasing
ever increasing
 incidence of chronic diseases,
such
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 as primary hypertension, diabetes, heart attack, etc.
Additionally
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, many other policies have been taken into account to prevent the spread of contagious illnesses.
This
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 is exemplified by the COVID-19
vaccination's
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vaccination
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 campaigns which were
perfomed
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performed
 resulting in a reduction of the mortality and morbidity related to
this
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 disease.
Conversely
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, many other topics have to
be take
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be taken
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 into consideration, namely education, security, and environment.
This
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 means that governors have to
mantain
Correct your spelling
maintain
 a balance among all
fields
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 in order to generate an integral development.
Otherwise
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, if there is no
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
proportional distribution, people who belong to the
fields
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 that
recieve
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receive
received
 less support might suffer from scarcity and
proverty
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poverty
.
For instance
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, in Colombia most resources have been
spend
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spent
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 on the environment,
nonetheless
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, the
perfomance
Correct your spelling
performance
 of students in schools has
plummetted
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plummeted
show examples
 and the population have no security because the rate of crimes committed every day has rocketed. The aforementioned points
explained
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are explained
show examples
 by the lack of opportunities.
To sum up
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, the healthcare system should be considered one of the main
fields
Use synonyms
 to
be spend
Change the verb form
be spent
show examples
 on.
However
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, there are many other social issues that
also
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has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 to be taken into account and equally supported by the government.

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coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. You can do this by using linking words and phrases more effectively.
task achievement
In task achievement, try to elaborate further on your ideas, using more detailed explanations and examples.
task achievement
Work on sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity and comprehension. For instance, 'money have to be equally distributed' should be 'money has to be equally distributed'.
introduction conclusion present
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your essay.
complete response
You have addressed both viewpoints, which is key to achieving a complete response.
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