IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe the primary purpose of museums is to entertain people, while others believe their purpose is to educate. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Museums
Use synonyms
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 different things for different
people
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, many
people
Use synonyms
 feel a museum's primary purpose is to entertain.
However
Linking Words
, others think their
functions
Fix the agreement mistake
function
show examples
to
Add a missing verb
is to
show examples
 foster understanding. Both arguments will be analysed before a conclusion is declared. On the one hand, some individuals believe visiting
museums
Use synonyms
 is only for amusement. Take
art
Use synonyms
museums
Use synonyms
for example
Linking Words
. Every country has
art
Use synonyms
museums
Use synonyms
 that show local and traditional
art
Use synonyms
. Most of these types of
museums
Use synonyms
 are
places
Use synonyms
 where
people
Use synonyms
 would like to spend their leisure time. They are located near parks or shopping malls to attract
people
Use synonyms
's attention. They
also
Linking Words
 have tour guides who can entertainingly explain information and make the atmosphere more pleasant.
In addition
Linking Words
, some facilities like discounts make
museums
Use synonyms
 cheap and an excellent place to spend time.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is vividly understandable why
museums
Use synonyms
 are considered a place for amusement from
this
Linking Words
 group's perspective.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, others believe that
museums
Use synonyms
 should only be used for education. As in the previous paragraph, consider
art
Use synonyms
museums
Use synonyms
. They are among the best resources for
art
Use synonyms
 students and professors to research
art
Use synonyms
 and history. They
also
Linking Words
 have a library consisting of old books and pictures. In
this
Linking Words
 situation,
museums
Use synonyms
 should be peaceful
places
Use synonyms
 to prepare the best atmosphere for research.
In contrast
Linking Words
, if they are considered entertaining
places
Use synonyms
, keeping them as one of the most suitable
places
Use synonyms
 for researchers would be challenging.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it explains why keeping
museums
Use synonyms
 only for education is essential. In summary, there have always been different views regarding the purpose of
museums
Use synonyms
 as academic or entertaining
places
Use synonyms
. I fully support the second perspective.
Museums
Use synonyms
 should make the best timeline to serve both types of
people
Use synonyms
 since knowing about our history is necessary.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

language
Try to use more precise and varied vocabulary. For instance, instead of saying 'make the atmosphere more pleasant,' you could say 'enhance the ambiance.'
evidence
Aim to provide more in-depth examples. For example, mentioning specific art pieces or historical periods discussed in museums could make your arguments stronger.
coherence
Work on transitioning more smoothly between paragraphs to enhance the logical flow of ideas. Phrases like 'Moreover' or 'Furthermore' could be useful.
content
The essay does a great job of presenting both sides of the argument clearly.
structure
Each paragraph has a clear main idea, supported by relevant examples and explanations.
conclusion
The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points and presents your opinion in a clear manner.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: