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Band 6

More people are travelling now than ever before. What do you think is the reason behind it? Give reasons for your answer.

#people #reason
People
 lived all their lives in the place they were born in and only ever travelled when they had a reason to,
such
 as for
work
 or medical reasons. With more access to technology, cheaper
travel
 modes, exposure to cultures and knowledge of different countries, more
people
 are travelling than ever before. One of the most important reasons
people
travel
 is to relieve their everyday stresses and get pleasure in a different environment.
People
 use the time away during school year-end holidays or take a break from their
work
 and
travel
 to other
places
 both within and outside their country to have a change of atmosphere and enjoy the free time they get. The second reason is increased
work
 and business opportunities. With increased networking nowadays,
people
 have the chance to
work
 in
places
out
Change preposition
outside
show examples
 of their native place. Entrepreneurs
also
travel
 to new
places
 to acquire talent, technologies and knowledge that they cannot get from the place they are based in. With more exposure to different cultures through television and movies,
people
 want to experience it themselves. The advent of the Hallyu wave and the development of the tourism industry in South Korea is a great example of how the entertainment industry influences
people
 to
travel
 to different
places
. To sum it up,
people
 want to gain more experience and opportunities. Travelling is a great opportunity for
people
 to get just that. With more inexpensive modes of transport available today, the
travel
 and tourism industry is only expected to develop more.
Submitted by brishjot999 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured, but adding topic sentences to each paragraph can enhance clarity and cohesion. Ensure each paragraph starts with a sentence summarizing the main idea.
task achievement
Your main points are clear and comprehensive. To improve further, try to incorporate more specific examples or statistics to support your arguments more robustly.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the essay, clearly introducing the topic and reasons for increased travel.
complete response
You successfully covered multiple reasons behind increased travel, providing a well-rounded response to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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