Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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It is undeniable that electronic devices have become ubiquitous among

children

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, and their excessive use has led to a significant waste of time, which is a matter of concern. In my opinion, there are several factors contributing to

this

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trend, and I firmly believe that it represents a negative development. A growing number of people attribute the distraction of youngsters to the pervasive use of smartphones in educational settings. Students are required to carry these devices at all times and utilize them for various academic tasks.

Moreover

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, many students rely on smartphones as a substitute for traditional notebooks, using them for tasks

such

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as capturing images and storing relevant information.

Furthermore

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, the constant appearance of ads promoting games, videos, and entertainment content on their screens serves as yet another source of distraction for

children

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Additionally

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, the allure of social media platforms like TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook

further

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captivates adolescents' attention.

Furthermore

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, I am opposed to

this

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trend primarily because it provides

children

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with unrestricted access to a world of visual stimuli through internet browsing.

This

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unregulated exposure can have detrimental effects on their cognitive development.

Moreover

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, engaging in video games poses potential risks to their health and cognitive abilities;

for instance

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, games like Blue Whale present extreme challenges that can negatively impact mental well-being and have even resulted in tragic consequences.

Therefore

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, parental supervision is crucial in monitoring

children

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's smartphone usage. In conclusion, the excessive use of smartphones by

children

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is a pressing issue. The prevalence of distractions from ads and entertainment content highlights the negative aspects of

this

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trend. It is my firm belief that parents should exercise vigilance when entrusting

cellphones

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cell phones

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to their offspring.

abdulahad08600Mon Feb 26 2024

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Task Achievement

Develop your points more thoroughly by providing detailed examples for each argument you present. This helps strengthen your position and makes your essay more persuasive.

Coherence and Cohesion

Try to use a wider range of cohesive devices to better link your ideas and paragraphs. This can enhance the flow of your essay, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

Keep working on your introduction and conclusion. Make sure your introduction includes a clear thesis statement that outlines your main points, and ensure your conclusion effectively summarizes your arguments and restates your opinion.

8
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

276 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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