Many young people now know more about international pop and movie stars than famous people in the history of their countries. What are the causes? Give solutions to increase the number of people to know about famous people in history

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Nowadays, a lot of young

people

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have a better

knowledge

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related to international

actor

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actors

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actress

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actresses

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rather than

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

famous

individual

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individuals

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from their

countries

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country's

countries'

show examples

history

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. In my opinion,

it is clear that

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this

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phenomenon has continually

happen

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happened

show examples

because

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for

show examples

myriads reason

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myriad reasons

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, but two main factors would be the advancement of technology and lack of patriotism

feeling

Verb problem

apply

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among youngsters.

In addition

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, two ways that can be used to overcome

this

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problem are adding the number of

hour

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hours

show examples

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history related

Add a hyphen

history-related

show examples

subjects in school,

as well as

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utilizing mass media

such

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as TV to make a trivia

program

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regarding

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history

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the history

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of their

country

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, which will be

further

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elaborate on the following paragraphs. The advancement of technology that

has

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apply

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happened several decades ago has

influent

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influenced

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our younger generations as a high-tech-literated individual.

For example

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, many young

generation

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generations

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have a great capability of using handphone, laptop, and

also

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internet

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. The

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internet

Capitalize word

Internet

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things

Capitalize word

Things

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has

play

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played

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a significant role

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show examples

them, particularly

for

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show examples

knowing what

happen

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happens

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

overseas,

such

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as knowing the

new comer

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newcomer

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actresses or actors, their achievements in

entertainment

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the entertainment

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industry, and even their

gossips

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gossip

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or private lives.

This

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phenomenon has

happen

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happened

show examples

because of

internet

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can bring

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

real time

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real-time

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news to other countries,

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

particularly young

individual

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individuals

show examples

In addition

Linking Words

Remove the article

apply

show examples

research has shown that

generally

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generally,

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youngsters

has

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

lack

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apply

show examples

patriotism feeling. Particularly in Indonesia, they do not even know who is the founding father of the

country

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, and many cannot mention the five

principle

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principles

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of the

country

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. To overcome

this

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matter, I strongly believe that adding

the

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show examples

portion of

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history related

Add a hyphen

history-related

show examples

subjects in school could work well.

By knowing

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Knowing

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the roots of the

country

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, the origin, and what has happened in the past could retain the negative impact of

the

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apply

show examples

technology

such

Linking Words

Use synonyms

internet

Correct article usage

the internet

show examples

, so that young

people

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have a great balance of

knowledge

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between

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history

Add an article

the history

a history

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of the

country

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, and what is happening right now around the globe.

Additionaly

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Additionally

, the government could

also

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regulate some rules regarding television

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program

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programs

show examples

For instance

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, each

Correct your spelling

show examples

station should have a

program

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related to

Use synonyms

history

Add an article

the history

show examples

of the

country

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Change preposition

apply

show examples

every week, not just

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show examples

certain

time

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times

show examples

such

Linking Words

independence day

Correct your spelling

Independence Day

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. In conclusion, I firmly believe that

Change preposition

apply

show examples

adding

the

Correct article usage

show examples

portion of

Use synonyms

history related

Add a hyphen

history-related

show examples

subjects in school and

give

Wrong verb form

giving

show examples

the young generations additional information from television

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program

Fix the agreement mistake

programs

show examples

could tackle the phenomena related to young

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people

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people's

show examples

knowledge

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about famous

people

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from their

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country

Change noun form

country's

show examples

history

Use synonyms

, and

balancing

Wrong verb form

balance

show examples

the

knowledge

Use synonyms

to know what is happening around the world today.

ru.kabiru.biruSat Jun 29 2024

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introduction conclusion present

Introduction and conclusion are present and effectively frame the essay. Ensure the introduction clearly states your main argument.

supported main points

The points made are well-supported. Try to integrate more detailed, specific examples to strengthen your argument.

complete response

Ensure that all parts of the question are fully addressed. Discuss more about how each solution you propose would effectively increase interest in historical figures.

clear comprehensive ideas

Your ideas are mostly clear and comprehensive. Be careful of small grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that can confuse the reader.

logical structure

Logical structure is generally clear, but some transitions between ideas could be smoother. Maintain coherence by clearly linking ideas within and between paragraphs.

relevant specific examples

You made good use of specific examples and relevant explanations to support your points.

introduction conclusion present

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to guide the reader through your argument.

supported main points

Main points are consistently supported with arguments and examples.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

Introduction
Body paragraph 1 – Problems
Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

One of the first problems of the...
Another problem that needs to be considered...
A possible solution to this problem would be...
One immediate practical solution is to...

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
57
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

6.5

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

6.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

408 words

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Many young people now know more about international pop and movie stars than famous people in the history of their countries. What are the causes? Give solutions to increase the number of people to know about famous people in history

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Do you think online education can replace traditional classroom education? Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

A rise in the standard of living in a country often only seems to benefit cities rather than rural areas. What problems can this cause? How might these problems be reduced?

an increasing number of people choose to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why do people want to change the way they look? And Is it a positive or negative development?

Both government investment in public transport systems and reductions in public transport ticket prices would help to reduce transport pollution greatly. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?