IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think the money spent on developing technology for space exploration is not justified. However, there are more beneficial ways to spend this money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is thought that it will not be suitable if
money
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 is spent to develop technology for
space
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exploration
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while
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 there are more ways to spend
this
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money
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 beneficially. Personally, I strongly disagree with
this
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 statement because of some major reasons which I shall explain in more detail in
this
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 essay.
To begin
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, some say there are more beneficial ways to spend
money
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 than the
exploration
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 of
space
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such
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 as environmental protection, supporting
people
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 from poor countries, and so on because these problems have existed for hundreds of years,
therefore
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, they are very popular to humans and they have many experiences in spending
money
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 to solve them
as well as
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 seeing their clear benefits.
For example
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, If
people
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 pay for vaccines to save the lives of children living in poor countries in Africa, they will see a result of children alive.
This
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 brings a sense of happiness and meaning to them.
On the other hand
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, I think that allocating
money
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 for
space
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 discovery not only makes humans more civilized but
also
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 opens a new future for them.
For instance
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, when I was a child, my grandparents said to me that beyond the earth is a magical world where there are fairies, huge trees, strange animals, and much more;
however
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, today, thanking achievements of
space
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exploration
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 helping me to explore about what exists in the universe.
Moreover
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, experts have predicted that any planet in
space
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 may become a new inhabitant of
people
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 in the future.
It is clear that
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 the
exploration
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 of
space
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 is a tough achievement that
people
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 have achieved. We shoud be pround of it. In conclusion, in
this
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 essay, I would like
people
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 to understand that spending on social issues will support many
people
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 to escape from their advantageous situations
while
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 investing funds in the
exploration
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 of
space
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 will open a new door for the human future.
Finally
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, I majorly disagree with the view that spending on developing technology for
space
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exploration
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 is not justified
whereas
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 there are more beneficial ways to spend
this
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money
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.

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task response
Ensure that your thesis statement clearly outlines the extent of your agreement or disagreement in the introduction. This will provide a clear roadmap for your essay.
task response
Provide more specific examples or evidence to support your points. This will make your arguments more persuasive.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid minor grammatical inaccuracies and ensure consistency in verb tenses for a more polished essay.
coherence and cohesion
Include topic sentences in each paragraph to clearly signal the main point you are discussing. This will improve the logical structure and flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of the essay and reinforces your position. This provides a strong sense of closure.
coherence and cohesion
The essay displays a clear and logical flow of ideas, making it easy for the reader to follow your arguments.
task response
You have clearly stated your position and provided reasons for your stance, which shows a good understanding of the task.
task response
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, which demonstrates a balanced approach to the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • space exploration
  • justified expenditure
  • technological advances
  • earthly concerns
  • telecommunications
  • environmental conservation
  • inspire innovation
  • diplomatic relationships
  • peaceful cooperation
  • long-term survival
  • colonization
  • commercial ventures
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