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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees do. Some people think it is necessary, but others are of the opinion that it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

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Many viewers hold divergent opinions on the difference in
salaries
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 between large organizations’ leaders and ordinary
employees
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.
While
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 it is understandable that many argue that paying
directors
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 with considerably higher
salaries
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 is inequitable, I hold the view that
directors
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 receive high payments to fairly compensate for the responsibilities that heavily affect the companies’
overall
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 performance. On one hand, it is expected that
employees
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 should be paid equal amounts of
salaries
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due to
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 their industrious work and the amount of time they spend on
such
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 a heavy workload. Practically, they only receive a fraction of their leaders’ earnings.
Furthermore
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, ordinary
employees
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 are the ones who bring a leader’s vision into reality.
However
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, the payment system depicts that their positions do not wholly reflect the performance of the company or affect the company’s decision-making process.
On the other hand
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, major leaders hold crucial responsibilities, despite fewer working hours and tasks. The weight of these duties can cause a high level of pressure that only experts and professionals can bear.
Moreover
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, not only personal tasks are required, but human management is
also
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 one of the core skill sets that
directors
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 need to earn.
For example
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, if
directors
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 lack the ability to harmonize their teams and resolve mutual conflicts, the
employees
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 working under their leadership cannot work with high productivity.
In addition
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, to acquire
such
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 levels of skills, major leaders have attained years of experience
as well as
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 years of being
employees
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 themselves, which reflects their amount of
salaries
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. In conclusion, I am of the opinion that large corporations'
directors
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 earn higher
salaries
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due to
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 the stressful nature of work,
while
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 ordinary
employees
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 receive less money as they only contribute to a smaller picture of the companies.

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Specific Examples
Ensure to provide more detailed, specific examples to support each viewpoint. While you touched upon reasons why high salaries for directors might be justified, exemplifying these reasons with real-world examples or hypothetical scenarios could strengthen your argument.
Balanced Discussion
Consider equally elaborating on both views before stating your own opinion. You've discussed both perspectives; however, ensuring that each perspective is presented with equal depth and consideration will improve the balance of your essay.
Introduction & Conclusion
You did a great job of introducing and concluding your essay, making the reader clearly understand the topic and your stance.
Logical Structure
Your essay is logically structured, making it easy to follow your arguments and understand the flow from one idea to the next.
Clear & Comprehensive Ideas
You’ve presented your ideas clearly and comprehensively, which makes your essay insightful and engaging.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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