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Band 7.5

Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #time #education #years
Nowadays, some residents suppose that teenagers should learn full of their time until they are at least 18 years old or after attending university.
This
 essay will present some reasons why I am not convinced by
this
 statement. On the one hand, learning every day will bring lots of good chances for their future. First of all, if learners study all the time, they can graduate with honours.
Therefore
 they can easily get good positions or jobs in some companies after graduation.
Besides
, at levels below university, students tend to be lazy and do not have any interest in studying.
Therefore
, parents forcing their children to learn full-time can be said to help pupils become more hard-working.
On the other hand
, there are some issues that need to be paid attention to. First of all, it is about the physical health of students. Learning too much can lead to some diseases
such
 as headaches, or insomnia.
In addition
, not only their physical health but
also
 their well-being can be affected.
For example
, when learners study too much, they usually tend to skip their sleep.
Therefore
, they are always exhausted.
Furthermore
, the study pressure might lead them to depression. In some countries like China or Korea, pupils learn so much that sometimes they have suicidal thoughts. In conclusion, students need time to relax after stressful classes. Forcing them to learn every day sometimes is counterproductive. The important thing is that they have a suitable schedule and keep a balance between learning and relaxation.
Submitted by ieltswritingpracticedl on

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task achievement
To further improve task response, ensure that each main point is thoroughly developed with detailed explanations and more varied examples.
task achievement
Focus on providing more comprehensive ideas that explore different aspects of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Enhance coherence by making smoother transitions between paragraphs to guide the reader seamlessly through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph fully supports your main points with relevant examples and elaborations. This will strengthen the logical structure of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly sets the stage for the discussion, and your conclusion effectively encapsulates your main points. This contributes positively to the structure of your essay.
task achievement
You provide a balanced view by discussing both the advantages and issues related to full-time education until the age of 18, which showcases a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental cornerstone
  • literacy and numeracy
  • social inequalities
  • foundation of knowledge
  • social mobility
  • informed and engaged citizenry
  • democratic processes
  • youth crime rates
  • productive activities
  • vocational training
  • workforce
  • stifling individual talent
  • economic contribution
  • stress and mental health issues
  • unsuitable educational system
  • one-size-fits-all approach
  • diverse talents
  • career paths
  • formal academic education
  • financial strains
  • low-income countries
  • improving quality of education
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