IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think it is more important to spend money on roads and motorways than on public transport systems such as railways and trams. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #money #roads #motorways #transport #systems #railways #trams
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The distribution of facilities to the public has always been a debatable issue among
government
Use synonyms
 authorities. The allocation of budget for vehicles and roadways has become a major concern. Some citizens argue that it is better to spend money on
roads
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 and motorways,
while
Linking Words
 others believe it is more beneficial to spend money on public
transport
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such
Linking Words
 as railways and trams. I believe it is crucial to equally allocate expenditure for
both
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transport
Use synonyms
 and roadways.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it is highly important for the
government
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 to pave better
roads
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 and railway tracks in
both
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 urban and rural areas. Properly managed
roads
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 and the elimination of potholes would significantly reduce frequent road accidents.
Additionally
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, constructing more well-maintained railway tracks would
also
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 reduce accidents and provide easier access to farther distances at a lower cost.
Furthermore
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,
such
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 advancements contribute to the
overall
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 development of society.
For instance
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, the Go Train in the UK is cheaper and helps people travel longer distances compared to the trains in Pakistan.
Secondly
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, alongside well-maintained
roads
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, the
government
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 should
also
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 increase the production of public vehicles
such
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 as buses and trams and implement rules encouraging the use of public
transport
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.
This
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 change would reduce the number of private vehicles, thereby decreasing pollution levels. Improved air quality promotes healthy living.
For example
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, the air quality index of Canada is only 3 out of 100,
whereas
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 in India, it is 300
due to
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 high pollution levels. In conclusion, I concur with the belief that the
government
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 must allocate funding for the construction of
both
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roads
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 and public
transport
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 networks, as
both
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 are necessary and complementary, like two sides of the same coin.
Submitted by piratijaiswal1992 on

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task achievement
You have clearly addressed the topic and made a balanced argument. However, try to elaborate on your ideas more comprehensively to strengthen your position and provide a little more depth.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph fully develops one main idea, and consider using a wider range of linking phrases for greater coherence and variety.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and appropriate introduction and conclusion, which wraps up your argument well.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your argument, which helps illustrate your points effectively.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • infrastructure
  • public transport systems
  • economic growth
  • traffic congestion
  • carbon emissions
  • social equity
  • urban development
  • sustainable
  • mobility needs
  • revitalization
  • efficiency
  • safety
  • reliance
  • combatting
  • mitigating
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