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Band 8

Crime is a big problem in the world; many believe that nothing can be done to prevent it. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give your own opinion.

#crime #world
Crime is considered to be a stigma on the growth and prosperity of every nation and society around the globe. Some folks believe that it is an uphill task to stop illegal activities
however
, others argue. In my opinion, I advocate that proper measures from the government and efforts from society will drastically ameliorate the situation.
This
 essay will discuss the preventive measures in detail.
Firstly
, the authorities should impose stringent rules and hefty fines on the citizens so that anyone should think multiple times before indulging in any illegal activity.Because of the hard punishments, fewer people will get involved in criminal events which directly results in reducing the crime rate. To illustrate, in Dubai if any person is found doing theft anywhere he or she will be given either a lifetime imprisonment or a death sentence and that's why all businesses and the public feel secure and safe.
Secondly
, society should step forward and accept criminals back into the community by providing them with equal job opportunities and respect like normal people.
This
 will support these people to start their lives respectfully again from scratch and reconnect back to their families and neighbourhood without feeling ashamed and rejected.
For instance
, in the UK there has been a 35% reduction in the crime rate because of the rehabilitation program run by the communities and authorities which helps criminals to learn new skills and use them to grab a job or start a business and climb the ladder of success. In conclusion, I assert that cognitive effort from the government and communities will utterly help to put a pause on the increasing hateful activities and make the world a healthy and secure place to live.
Submitted by joshi65201 on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, consider using linking words and phrases more effectively between sentences and paragraphs to make the essay flow more smoothly.
task achievement
Expand on some of the points with additional details or examples to further illustrate your arguments, which can enhance comprehension.
task achievement
The essay clearly addresses the task, offering a solid opinion that is well-developed and supported with examples.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and serve their purposes well in framing the discussion.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant specific examples that effectively illustrate the points being made.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is solid, with distinct paragraphs each addressing a specific point.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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