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Band 8

It can be difficult for small local shops to compete with large supermarkets and with on-line shops. How does this affect local communities? What could be done to improve this situation?

#shops #supermarkets #affect #communities #situation
The increasing number of
species
 that are either on the brink of extinction or are swiftly approaching the same risk has become a cause for concern. In
this
 essay, the reasons behind
this
 issue will be analysed and relevant solutions will be proposed as well. The causes are manifold, with habitat destruction
due to
 deforestation being one of the factors. Numerous ecosystems would not have been fragmented if forests had not been cleared extensively, particularly in regions
such
 as the Amazon Rainforest.
Additionally
,
pollution
 of the air, water, and land – caused by heavy metals and toxins – contributes to the declining survival rates of various
species
. Ultimately, overexploitation, including poaching and overfishing, has recently diminished populations of
species
 like sharks, destabilising marine ecosystems. In accordance with the above reasoning, comprehensive solutions have been identified.
Firstly
, reforestation projects are indispensable, when degraded land is replanted with native trees.
Moreover
, consumer responsibility plays a key role in encouraging corporations to implement ethical practices and minimise their environmental impact.
For example
, in the United Kingdom, the RSPO has influenced companies
such
 as Unilever to advocate for sustainable palm oil,
thus
 mitigating deforestation and protecting orangutan habitats.
Secondly
, shifting to renewable energy and electric vehicles could reduce air
pollution
,
while
 preventing agricultural runoff and regulating hazardous waste disposal could aid in combating water and land
pollution
.
Thirdly
, imposing harsher penalties for illegal hunting is essential to preserve endangered
species
.
Overall
,
species
 face extinction for multiple reasons.
However
, I believe that by restoring habitats, promoting accountability, reducing
pollution
 and addressing illegal trade, we can preserve wildlife and safeguard biodiversity for the future.
Submitted by vikavika024 on

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coherence cohesion
Use more specific transitions between ideas to enhance the flow of your arguments. This will further clarify how each point is interconnected.
task achievement
When presenting solutions, ensure each solution is clearly linked to the specific problem it addresses. This will reinforce the logical coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Your essay provides a full and comprehensive response to the topic question, covering both causes and solutions effectively.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and serve their purposes effectively, framing the essay and summarizing key points.
task achievement
Strong examples are used to illustrate points, particularly the example of the RSPO's influence in promoting sustainable palm oil.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economies of scale
  • local employment opportunities
  • cultural diversity
  • community engagement
  • property prices
  • homogenization of the retail environment
  • social gathering points
  • unique and specialized products
  • local heritage preservation
  • online retailers
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