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Band 7.5

Some people believe that no one should be allowed to continue working after the age of 65. However, other says that there shouldn't be limitation on age and anyone should be allowed to work regardless of their age. Discuss both views, give your own opinion and include relevant examples.

#people #age #shouldn #limitation #anyone #work
The
age
 of retirement from employment has become a topic of massive debate among the general public. There is
one
 faction of people that believes that
one
 should not be allowed to indulge in employment after he/she reaches the
age
 of 65. The other group,
however
, is of the view that
this
 threshold on
age
 should not be applied and
one
 must be free to work regardless of
one
's
age
. In
this
 essay, we are going to discuss both arguments and provide a reliable solution of our own. Looking at the former viewpoint, it is going to benefit both the retirees and the companies. If
such
 a limitation is applied,
this
 would greatly reduce the exploitation of old workers at the hands of their employers. In the absence of
such
 a limit, corporations would continue to use them for their work even when they are not able to do it anymore, which would only delay the availability of pensions and other government benefits they are entitled to.
Moreover
,a person retiring at a certain
age
 only paves the way for young employees to take over, bringing with them, fresh views and ways to get things done.
Lastly
,
this
 would enhance the productivity of the company as older employees are comparatively less efficient than their younger counterparts.
On the other hand
, the argument of no limitation holds some weight as well. There are many old people who live a very lonely and tedious life. Being employed gives them a reason to look forward to the next day
while
also
 earning enough to live a satisfactory and independent life. Their experience of several years
also
 makes them a valuable asset for the companies so the corporations would like them to continue for a few more years.
To conclude
, it can be said that both viewpoints have their own advantages.
Nonetheless
, in my opinion, the government should apply a legal limit on the retirement
age
 as it is more beneficial for society as a whole.
Submitted by komalverma271999 on

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task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the prompt and covers both perspectives effectively. However, including more specific examples could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay generally flows well and has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. To make it even better, ensure there is a smoother transition between some of the points in your paragraphs.
task achievement
Although your ideas are clear and comprehensive, they can be enhanced by adding more detail and depth to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Minor grammatical errors and a few awkward phrasing issues can be easily fixed to improve the overall clarity and readability of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured, with clear separation of ideas across paragraphs, making it easy to follow.
task achievement
You have successfully discussed both viewpoints and provided a balanced discussion before giving your opinion, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion is well-articulated and effectively summarizes your main points and opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • mandatory retirement
  • workforce regeneration
  • transition planning
  • cognitive decline
  • predictable transition
  • physical endurance
  • job performance
  • financial necessity
  • personal fulfillment
  • flexible retirement policy
  • economic reasons
  • expertise
  • consultancy roles
  • active participation
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