IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think foreign visitors should be charged more than local people when they visit the cultural and historical attractions in a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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A group of people believe that the population who are from other countries have to pay more cost than nations for visiting traditions and old places. I strongly disagree with the idea on account of the fact that
this
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 trend has a negative effect on the tourism industry and cultural exchange. On the one hand, the fact
that is
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 really important is that when the number of tourists in one area increases,
then
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 a majority of jobs are created for local people. In fact, tourists need hotels, restaurants, and so forth, so they provide a range of job opportunities for locals in these sections.
However
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, when the price of historical regions is so costly, they do not travel to these countries and a lot of populations lose their occupations.
For example
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, the main industry that provides a number of job opportunities for Dubi is visitors and the community who use Dubi airport for their transit.
On the other hand
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, foreign people are the best factor that influences cultural exchange and increases attracting tourists.
As a result
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, when they do not have a tripe for cost,
then
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 globalization in these areas does not happen and other communities do not know about their social norms.
In addition
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, these individuals prevent not only family but
also
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 friends from having a trip to these areas.
To sum up
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, the high price of cultural and historical attractions has an adverse impact on local jobs, that are independent of tourism, and cultural exchange inasmuch as
this
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 method is like an obstacle that prevents tourist and their benefits from these countries.

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task achievement
The introduction presents your position but could be clearer about why you disagree with the idea. Consider summarizing your main reasons in one sentence.
coherence and cohesion
The essay structure is generally logical, but transitions between ideas can be improved. Use more linking phrases to connect your ideas more clearly.
task achievement
Including more specific examples would strengthen your arguments. For instance, elaborating on how tourism supports local economy or culture could enhance your points.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion is present but could be more impactful. Consider rephrasing your main ideas for emphasis and clarity.
task achievement
Your essay conveys a clear disagreement with the idea, which is a strong position to take.
task achievement
You recognize the economic benefits of tourism, which is important and shows awareness of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • maintenance
  • preservation
  • cultural heritage
  • differential pricing
  • overcrowding
  • discriminatory
  • tourism revenue
  • economic impact
  • sustainability
  • responsible tourism
  • global heritage
  • cultural exchange
  • funding models
  • tourist influx
  • local taxpayers
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