Some people believe that after the child begins his/her schooling their teachers will have more influence than their parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays there are people who believe that a school
teacher
have been more powerful in the
student
Change noun form
student's
show examples
life
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
his parents. In the beginning, I want to highlight, that
this
question has not definitely answer.
Moreover
, I think that it's
a
Change the article
the
show examples
greatest
sing
Correct your spelling
sign
show examples
of growing up -
ability
Add an article
the ability
show examples
to look at a question from several points of view. So I'll want to discuss
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
essay my agreement and disagreement with
this
statement. First of all, why
I'm
Unnecessary verb
I
show examples
agree with
this
statement. It's
clearly
Change the word
clear
show examples
, that the root of good tuition is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
trust. If we don'
t
believe
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
our tutor in some sphere of life (not only in the academic sphere), we can'
t
percieve
Correct your spelling
perceive
him. It may
cause
Wrong verb form
be caused
show examples
by some mistake that he didn'
t
want to admit, or some lies that we caught him. For
instanse
Correct your spelling
instance
, two years ago,
while
studying for a
master
Change noun form
master's
show examples
degree in Israel, we
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
studied in Hebrew, but our paramount book was in English. Our lecturer
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
made some
mistakes
when she translated the book, and she wasn'
t
able to accept her error. So it's
unpossible
Correct your spelling
impossible
to study with a
teacher
that can'
t
acknowledge his faults. So, the influence of a great
teacher
is stronger
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
of the parents.
On the other hand
, the
teacher
status
is
Verb problem
does
show examples
not transform the men
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
God.
Furthermore
, all of us are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
will
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
our strong and weak sides, with our own problems. In the past, it was the faith that everything said by the
teacher
is sacred, and a student
haven'
Correct subject-verb agreement
hasn't
show examples
t
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
show examples
to think
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
another way. Nowadays it changed, but I still think, that the most important thought that parents have to explain to their children is that humans tend to make
mistakes
. And that it's very important to know
to
Rephrase
how to
show examples
access
Verb problem
assess
show examples
your faults.
Finally
, it's
crutially important
Correct word choice
crucial
show examples
to explain to children before school, that only the man
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
is doing nothing -
don'
Correct subject-verb agreement
doesn't
show examples
t
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
mistakes
. And the essential rule of life has to be -
be
Fix the infinitive
to be
show examples
able to admit your
mistakes
.
Submitted by anastasia on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that your essay addresses all parts of the task effectively. In this case, more balance between the influence of teachers and parents should be explored.
task achievement
Try to maintain clear and comprehensive ideas throughout the essay. Some parts could benefit from clearer articulation and supporting arguments.
task achievement
Use relevant and specific examples to strengthen your points. The example regarding your personal experience was helpful but could be more seamlessly integrated and elaborated.
coherence and cohesion
Improve logical structure by clearly organizing your main points and ensuring each paragraph flows smoothly. Some transitions between ideas could be strengthened.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure both the introduction and conclusion are clearly present and effectively summarize your argument. There is a conclusion, but it could more effectively encapsulate your viewpoint.
coherence and cohesion
Support your main points more robustly. Make sure each idea is fully elaborated and backed by relevant evidence or reasoning.
language and grammar
Pay attention to grammatical errors, such as verb agreement and article usage, to enhance readability. For example, "a teacher have" should be "a teacher has," and "it's unpossible" should be "it's impossible."
language and grammar
Work on vocabulary accuracy and variety. Using the correct terms and avoiding repetition will make the text more engaging and precise.
task achievement
Your essay includes a clear argument for both sides of the issue, showing an ability to consider multiple perspectives.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction sets the stage by acknowledging the complexity of the issue. It’s good to see you’re open to discussing different viewpoints.
task achievement
Providing a personal example added a unique perspective to your argument, making it more relatable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: