IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Billions of dollars are being wasted each year in space research . The money could be better used to improve conditions on earth. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement

Research indeed plays a crucial role in the world. Some
people
Use synonyms
 say that a large amount of
money
Use synonyms
 is spent on
space
Use synonyms
projects
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every year but
this
Linking Words
 billion of dollars could be spent for developing
Earth
Use synonyms
's situations. I partially agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement for the following reasons.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, spending more
money
Use synonyms
 on
space
Use synonyms
 research will bring a plethora of benefits to the population.
This
Linking Words
 is, because many crowds have more curiosity about
space
Use synonyms
 investigation, not only the astronauts and scientists but
also
Linking Words
 individuals.
This
Linking Words
 kind of analysis
to be
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 needed to understand the future, past and present periods, henceforth many countries allocate bulk amounts of capital for
this
Linking Words
such
Linking Words
 as the USA and Russia.
For example
Linking Words
, these two nations spend three
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every year
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
space
Use synonyms
projects
Use synonyms
 which are NASA and Retro Cosmo sphere. That's why
people
Use synonyms
 have a chance to understand
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other planets,
hence
Linking Words
, spending huge amounts on
space
Use synonyms
 investigations is youthful.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
money
Use synonyms
 could be spent on
Earth
Use synonyms
's
projects
Use synonyms
 and development
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the grounds the ministry should address some serious issues like starvation, poverty, medical facilities, education, shelters and
infrasture
Correct your spelling
infrastructure
 because of inequality in
social
Replace the word
society
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. Many
people
Use synonyms
affected
Add a missing verb
are affected
show examples
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
by this
show examples
 issue and they need all these amenities to live a better life, so, the local administration should spend
money
Use synonyms
 to improve
people
Use synonyms
's livelihoods.
For instance
Linking Words
, 20th-century astronaut Mr N. Armstrong has already done
space
Use synonyms
projects
Use synonyms
how
Change preposition
on how
show examples
 much we need, so allocating bulk amounts
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
space
Use synonyms
 analysis are waste
instead
Linking Words
 of using that
money
Use synonyms
 to improve humankind's way of lifestyle.
In addition
Linking Words
, many deadly diseases and natural catastrophes threaten
crowds
Change noun form
crowds'
crowd's
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, so, the government could pay more
money
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
Earth
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, spending a huge amount of
money
Use synonyms
 on
space
Use synonyms
 research
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every year is not a waste because we have to understand the future, past and present conditions.
However
Linking Words
, that
money
Use synonyms
 could be used on the
Use synonyms
Earth
Change noun form
Earth's
show examples
 development on the grounds
there
Correct word choice
that there
show examples
 are some crucial problems to be addressed which
poverty
Add a missing verb
are poverty
show examples
 and starvation.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I partly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement in the above-mentioned details.

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task achievement
Expand on the main points to provide a deeper analysis and more comprehensive response.
task achievement
Use a wider range of vocabulary to avoid repetition and to add sophistication to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph logically follows the previous one, and avoid abrupt transitions.
coherence cohesion
Proofread to correct grammatical errors and improve sentence structure.
coherence cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion that succinctly summarize the main points.
task achievement
Provided relevant examples to support the arguments.
task achievement
Maintained a balanced perspective by discussing both sides of the issue.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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