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Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

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Many parts of the world are experiencing a rise in the average
weight
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 of their people
as well as
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 a decline in healthiness and physical condition.
This
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 is caused by the low quality of
people’s
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diet
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 and they don’t do any
exercise
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 at all. Some solutions are able to tackle these issues
such
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 as changing the
diet
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 to be healthier and having
exercise
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 at least 1 time per week.
Firstly
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, people usually do not pay attention to their lifestyle, including their dietary programme and
exercise
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.
Therefore
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, these bad habits make their
weight
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 increase and worsen their well-being. By
this
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, I mean
people’s
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 physical conditions are determined by the
food
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 they regularly consume.
Furthermore
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, the lack of workouts lowers
people’s
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 metabolisms which leads to a decline in their health and fitness levels.
For example
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, over half of Americans become obese because of consuming too much junk
food
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 and skipping physical
exercise
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.
However
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, the issue above can be prevented if people change their diets by having natural ingredients and more nutrition in their
food
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 and having regular
exercise
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 at least once a week to reduce their
weight
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 and increase their level of fitness.
For instance
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, consuming
food
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 with high nutrition, will decrease their calorie intake and give them more nutrition to their body.
Furthermore
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, exercises produce a higher metabolism that causes more calories burned quicker and raises their fitness level. One of the
example
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examples
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, in Japan, it is usual to consume healthy and high in nutritious foods.
Consequently
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, the Japanese have a really small percentage of them having obesity problems and most of them have ideal body
weight
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 percentages. In conclusion, an awful
diet
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 and no
exercise
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 are the reasons why
people’s
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weight
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 soar and their health levels drop, but having a better
diet
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 and occasionally doing
exercise
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 will diminish those issues.

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coherence cohesion
Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and avoid repetition of words and phrases to enhance the writing style.
task achievement
Expand on the causes and solutions to provide a more detailed and comprehensive analysis. For example, consider discussing the role of government policies or cultural habits.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that linking phrases are varied and used effectively to improve the flow of ideas. For instance, replace 'firstly' with alternative transitions such as 'to begin with' or 'initially'.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
Each main point is well-supported with relevant examples, making the argument more persuasive.
task achievement
The topic is fully addressed and the solutions presented are practical and realistic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • physical activity
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • exercise
  • unhealthy diet
  • fast food
  • urbanization
  • modernization
  • stress
  • awareness
  • education
  • government intervention
  • policies
  • promotion
  • sports
  • fitness programs
  • health education
  • taxation
  • public transportation
  • infrastructure
  • parks
  • recreational spaces
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