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Band 6

SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT COMPETITION AT WORK, AT SCHOOL AND IN DAILY LIFE IS A GOOD THING. OTHERS BELIEVE THAT WE SHOULD TRY TO COOPERATE MORE, RATHER THAN COMPETING AGAINST EACH OTHER.

#people #competition #work #school #life
In my opinion competition at
work
, at school and in daily
life
 can both be a good thing and a bad thing, why? because I think too much of anything can be destructive. Yes, it's a very good thing to be competitive but don't overdo it. Having no competition in your
life
 at all can be very depressing. because you have no motivation, no goals you want to achieve,
everytime
Replace the word
every time
show examples
 you wake up in the morning. I don't believe that there is
such
 thing as "
co-operateing
Correct your spelling
co-operating
" too much, when you
work
 with someone you should
work
 together as a team and co-operate, but
also
 do things for yourself, like something career-wise. You should think of your future in your
work
. That goes the same if you are still in school, take my school
life
for example
. If I am very good at one subject
in particular
, lots of other students may come up to me and ask for pointers. I would be very glad to help them. If there is any homework, schoolmates may come over together,
this
 is
also
 fine and very good for building relationships. But sometimes there are people who think you are nice and ask you to do their
work
 for them.
This
 is where you should draw the line, yes you are friends and you should help each other, but that doesn't mean that you have to do their homework or give them
answer
Fix the agreement mistake
answers
show examples
 when there is a test. Remember
life
 is a competition, be a winner.
Submitted by saja.alotaibi on

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coherence cohesion
Try developing a clearer structure by outlining your main points at the beginning and summarizing them at the end. This can make your essay more cohesive.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and flows well to the next. Use conjunctions and linking words to better connect your ideas.
task achievement
Expand on your main points with more detailed examples and analysis. This will make your argument more compelling.
task achievement
Focus on correcting minor grammatical errors and refining word choices. This will enhance the clarity and quality of your essay.
task achievement
You have included relevant examples to support your points, which enhances your argument.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and you articulate your thoughts well, which is important for task achievement.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of your essay is good, and you have managed to argue both sides of the issue effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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