Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Individuals
live in rat races nowadays, striving to be number one either in school or in the workplace. However
, some individuals
tend to collaborate with others
instead
of competing. It is my opinion that every decision has its challenges and outcomes. In this
essay, I will examine both views and explain why I feel that collaboration is more crucial than competition.
To begin
with, the modern era, with significant technological changes, has made people more individualistic, often considering only their own interests without thinking about collective welfare. This
influences an individual's personality and character. The fear of missing out drives individuals
to run quickly and strive to be better than others
. This
condition is influenced by technological advancements and development in one’s country.
Furthermore
, individuals
tend to be competitive and ambitious, believing that competition can help them achieve their desired positions. However
, if individuals
fail to achieve their goals, they may feel inadequate and blame themselves. This
can lead to severe consequences such
as mental health issues. For example
, in Korea, many students study for around 12 hours daily, and the number of people experiencing stress and mental illness is significantly higher than in other countries. This
is influenced by competitiveness and the fear of being left out.
On the other hand
, some individuals
are taught to cooperate with others
to achieve their goals quickly and build connections, gaining knowledge and insight from mentors, peers, and teamwork. Individuals
with more connections tend to communicate better, express their opinions clearly, and grow faster. This
also
reduces stress and increases contentment.
In conclusion, all choices depend on an individual’s perception, and individuals
should consider the outcomes. However
, the benefits of collaboration outweigh the competitiveness because individuals
can gain a wider perspective and develop essential social skills. Humans are social beings and need others
to fulfill
their needs and find happiness.Change the spelling
fulfil
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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details. Your arguments are clear but could benefit from more specific examples and deeper analysis.
task response
While your ideas are clearly presented, consider refining them further for more complexity and depth. Address counterarguments more explicitly to add balance.
coherence cohesion
Excellent structure with a strong introduction and conclusion, which makes your main argument clear.
task response
You have successfully covered both perspectives, providing a balanced viewpoint.
task response
Good use of relevant examples to illustrate your points, such as the reference to students in Korea.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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