IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugarcane.

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugarcane.
#process #sugar #sugarcane
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The given diagram illustrates the manufacturing process for
sugar
Use synonyms
 production from
sugar
Use synonyms
 cane, starting with
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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raw ingredients and
enculminating
Correct your spelling
culminating
 with processed products.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly observed that
sugar
Use synonyms
 cane was transformed into
sugar
Use synonyms
 with a simple 7 steps which will be elaborated on in the next paragraph.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the growing of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sugar
Use synonyms
 cane which is the main
characters
Fix the agreement mistake
character
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for
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
Linking Words
 took around a year or year and a half. Once
it
Add a verb
it is
it was
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 ripe enough, these raw materials could either
harvested
Add a missing verb
be harvested
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 manually or
machanically
Correct your spelling
mechanically
 with a harvesting truck that
cutting
Wrong verb form
cuts
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 and
collecting
Wrong verb form
collects
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 at the same time
while
Linking Words
 riding
nearby
Correct your spelling
near
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 the field.
Then
Linking Words
, the collected ingredients now crushed with the machine and squished any juices out of it. The juices
undergoes
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undergo
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 the purifying process by flowing through the limestone filter.
Next,
Linking Words
the purified juices boiled under extreme heat in an evaporator, changing
liquid
Correct article usage
the liquid
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 solution into a slimy and sticky content known as Syrup. In
consesequence
Correct your spelling
consequence
 of high temperature,
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
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bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
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 the solutions to
boiled
Wrong verb form
boil
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 and
solidified
Wrong verb form
solidify
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which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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leaving
a crystal-like products
Correct the article-noun agreement
crystal-like products
a crystal-like product
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. The mixtures
later
Add a missing verb
were later
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seperated
Correct your spelling
separated
 these two with a centrifuge, a machine using
the
Correct article usage
apply
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rolling force to disperse
a
Correct article usage
apply
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syrup away.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least, the
sugar
Use synonyms
 crystals
stored
Add a missing verb
are stored
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 in a cylinder frame for drying and cooling as
a final products
Correct the article-noun agreement
a final product
final products
show examples
.
Submitted by kamonluck1999 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words sugar with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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