IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. -> topic: traffic, transport Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#countries #people #sums #money #railway #lines #trains #cities #transport #topic #traffic
Although
 many argue that substantial funds should be allocated to upgrading current transportation network, I agree with the assumption that investing heavily in the construction of railway network for express trains will bring added benefits to urban areas since it meets the need of booming
travel
. On the one hand, those who advocate for enhancing traditional public system believe that it promotes environmental sustainability. They contend that
this
 development encourages a modal shift from private vehicles to public transport that could relieve congestion and gas emissions, which contributes to more improved air quality and slower greenhouse effects. The city of Finland, Helsinki,
for instance
, has devoted large sums of money to rebuilding bicycle infrastructure
such
 as dedicated bike lines or bicycle-sharing programs so that they can promote the frequency of eco-friendly means.
On the other hand
, it appears to be more worthwhile to make a significant investment in the expansion of subway, as the demand for
travel
 will never cease to grow.
This
 is because people either commute more regularly than ever before or the requirements for more freight carriers to adapt to economic growth are surging, which altogether can not be fulfilled with limited capacities and lanes of overground services.
Therefore
, high-speed rail, which offers a large volume of space and ensures reduced
travel
 times, facilitates living standards. A clear example can be seen with Japanese bullet trains which have minimized
travel
 times from 6 hours down to 2.5 hours.
Consequently
, I agree with the view of implementing
such
 projects for the aforementioned reason. In conclusion,
while
 some insist that it is of great importance to advance established public transport, I think the efforts to expand underground services should be made to support the growing population.
Submitted by banhbao0565 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure consistency in naming: You alternated between 'railway network' and 'subway' which can confuse readers. Clarify if you mean all underground rail systems or specifically subway trains.
task achievement
Develop the conclusion a bit more: Summarize key points mentioned in the body to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Effective use of examples: Including Helsinki and Japanese bullet trains add meaningful support to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Clear structure: Your essay is well-organized with a distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
Comprehensive argument: You cover both views in a balanced manner before giving your own opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: