IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some say that modern technology is giving people more free time, while others think it is making them busier. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#say #technology #people #time
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Nowadays, many modern technologies have been invented. Some
people
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 believe that those inventions have been giving them a lot more leisure
time
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,
while
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 others argue that they actually have taken it away, leaving them feeling much busier than before. Personally, I see the new era of
technology
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 as something that brings more benefit and efficiency, helping me to reach my goals even quicker than ever so I can spare more
time
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 to relax. Many
people
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 are now using
technology
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such
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 as Artificial Intelligence to finish their tasks faster.
For instance
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, designing presentations or writing essays has become a much easier task to do with the help of AI. By finishing quickly, workers and students have more
time
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 for themselves.
On the other hand
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, many disagree and feel like the modern era has made them even have more to do. Because of
technology
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, they are now facing the expectation to multitask,
for example
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, joining a meeting
while
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 they are still on their way somewhere.
Additionally
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, there is a higher productivity demand which means that they have to do everything in a shorter period of
time
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. From my point of view as a designer,
technology
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 gives me more free
time
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 to do essential activities. As an example, with digital drawing
technology
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, I can focus more on exploring new art concepts and ideas
instead
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 of worrying about which paintbrush or paper should I bring with me. To summarise, there are
people
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 who take modern
technology
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 as something useful and could give them additional free
time
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 because it helps them finish their work quicker. And I personally agree with
this
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 view. But
then
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, there are
people
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 who feel like it actually makes them busier since they now have to live with the expectation to do more things on a much shorter deadline than before. Despite these two opposite views, new technologies are here and I say that we have to utilise them for our benefit as much as possible.
Submitted by lidyaprmata on

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task achievement
While your essay provides a balanced discussion and your ideas are clearly articulated, you could further strengthen your argument by explaining in more depth how technology can create more free time. Include specific examples or scenarios, similar to how you discussed AI in presentations.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows logically to the next. For instance, your third paragraph about your personal experience as a designer could benefit from a clearer link back to the previous points discussed. Transitional phrases can also help in achieving smoother flow between your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion nicely wraps up the two viewpoints while giving your opinion; however, consider summarizing the key points of both views more succinctly to provide a more powerful ending to your essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction is engaging and sets up the discussion effectively, giving a clear indication of the essay's structure and your personal stance on the issue.
relevant specific examples
Examples such as using AI for designing presentations or digital drawing technology are relevant and demonstrate your points effectively, making the essay more persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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