Men do most of the high-level jobs. Should the company encourage a certain percentage of these jobs to be reserved for women? What is your opinion on that? Use your own knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.
In today’s contemporary society, a lot of enterprises grant high-powered jobs to males mostly rather than hiring females. I profoundly believe that currently, the
women
's community is empowering which is a sign for companies to appoint more women
to responsible posts because they are able to bring brand-new ideas to the table, evolving the company’s strategy in conjunction with showcasing a role model to the next generations.
To begin
with, it is a cornerstone for modern businesses to comprehend people’s needs in order to solve them, such
as women
’s demands thus
a female leader would make ou of it
better. Correct pronoun usage
them
For instance
, regarding a company that supplies beauty services to women
, a female CEO would aware
of what kind of explicit procedures they need Add a missing verb
be aware
providing
to enhance Change the verb form
to provide
a
flow of customers. Correct article usage
the
Whereas
men are not in the loop of what procedures are needed for women
, for example
, growth of lashes, the women
director firmly knows because she looks after herself in a beauty
way.
Another noteworthy drift refers to the auspicious example of high-profile females for upbringing generations. It is an undoubted fact that plenty of female adolescents always seek Replace the word
beautiful
for
an outstanding female in their circle, social media, etc. to look up to. Change preposition
apply
This
is the reason why a female persona, for instance
, a politician would have a positive impact on young girls. Hence
, government officials are obliged to have great manners, correspondingly manifesting a great effect on female teenagers in a way of behavior
.
Change the spelling
behaviour
To conclude
the aforementioned, I strongly give credence to promoting women
more on top-tier jobs for companies, in the sense of positively altering not only the economic dynamics of a company but also
carrying after springs.Submitted by kirkagoglesmail on
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task achievement
To improve task response, make sure your examples directly support your arguments and are elaborated more thoroughly. The example given about the female CEO in a beauty company is valid but could be expanded to clearly illustrate how it impacts company strategy and customer relations.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and well-developed, but pay attention to the complexity and variety of sentence structures to enhance clarity and engagement. This can improve the comprehensiveness of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that transitions between paragraphs and ideas are smoother. Sometimes, the ideas jump from one to another without sufficient linking. Using more cohesive devices can make your essay flow better and help maintain a logical structure throughout.
coherence cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are present and functional, try to make your conclusion more impactful by summarizing the key points in a way that strongly reinforces your position.
task achievement
Support your main points with more detailed and varied examples. For instance, you could provide statistical data or credible studies that illustrate the positive effects of women in leadership roles.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear position on the topic and sticks to it throughout, showing a good understanding of the task at hand.
coherence cohesion
The introduction succinctly outlines the main points that will be discussed in the body, setting a clear pathway for the reader.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical structure to the argument, with each paragraph addressing a different aspect of the topic, which aids in coherence.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively circles back to the main argument and reinforces the writer’s stance.