in many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #population #governments #society

Nowadays, many countries face an imbalance in the age ratio of their population, especially when the number of elderly has outnumbered the youngsters, and they can live longer. It triggers a debate whether

this

situation will give more benefits to society or create

further

problems for the governments.

Nonetheless

, I would argue that there will be more drawbacks to the situation described above for some reasons that are set out below. On one side, when people have reached their unproductive age, there will be some cases that impact certain aspects of their lives, including economic productivity.

For example

, it is predicted that China’s economy will experience a downfall because there will be not enough workers in the future as their citizens are limited to only having 1 child in a family.

This

resulted in the elderly no longer being able to work well compared to young people, and the government needs to find a solution to provide enough employees to replace them in business sectors and industries to avoid a downfall in the economy. On the other side, with the existence of the elderly, there would be some benefits.

For instance

, the young generation will have easier access to wisdom and advice,

as well as

an improvement in family bonding.

That is

to say that youngsters can easily talk about their problems and learn life lessons from them.

Also

, a

further

illustration shows that many countries in Southeast Asia mostly have cultures of having strong family bonds which are very close to their parents and grandparents. By

this

, I mean they can have a precious memory and moment with them. In conclusion,

although

there are some benefits to having more population of elderly, I believe that the drawbacks are far superior because of the possibility of having problems in the economy that the government should solve.

Submitted by kelly on Sun Jul 07 2024

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task achievement

Your arguments are well-structured and logically presented. However, try to use more specific examples and data to strengthen your points, especially in the economic argument for the first body paragraph.

task achievement

In the introduction, explicitly state your position more clearly to fulfill the task requirements fully. Instead of saying 'Nonetheless, I would argue that there will be more drawbacks,' you could assert, 'I firmly believe that an aging population presents more challenges than benefits.'

coherence cohesion

Work on the transitions between paragraphs to ensure smoother progression of ideas. While your essay is coherent, enhancing the linking phrases will improve flow and readability.

coherence cohesion

Your conclusion effectively sums up your arguments, but it would be stronger if you restated some of the key points from the body of the essay. This helps in reinforcing your stance more powerfully.

coherence cohesion

You have a clear and well-structured introduction and conclusion, which provides a solid framework for your essay.

task achievement

Your essay covers both sides of the argument, demonstrating a balanced view before you provide your own opinion. This is great for task achievement.

task achievement

You have used examples to support your points, particularly focusing on China and Southeast Asia, which adds depth to your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

306 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

ageing population
benefits
disadvantages
advantages
experience
knowledge
contribution
economy
society
healthcare
youth employment
community
intergenerational support
volunteerism
mentorship
increased demand
pension costs
social welfare systems
workforce
productivity
intergenerational conflict
technological adaptability
dependency
effective
skill development
employment opportunities
intergenerational solidarity
communication
lifelong learning
technological literacy
age-friendly
social policies
infrastructure

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Include an introduction and conclusion

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Some people say it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

The plans below show the site of an airport now and how it will look after redevelopment next year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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Some people from poor and rural backgrounds find it difficult to get a university education. Universities should make it easier for such groups to enrol. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that too much money has been spent looking after and repairing old buildings, so we should knock down old buildings and build modern ones instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+