in the future, the main reason for going to the shopping mall will be for entertainment not to shop. Do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays,
malls
offer a variety range of facilities
and can be a suitable place to hang out with friends or have a family day out .Therefore
, people
can be entertained alongside
shopping.
So, shopping will always be an integral part of visiting Change preposition
by
malls
. I generally agree with the statement and in this
essay, I will explain my reasons and give my opinion.
We can find so many entertaining facilities
at shopping centres for any age. As a reason for that, families tend to go there in their free time to be entertained and have some fun. Additionally
, they may do some shopping as well, but what brought them there was to spend some quality time as a family in an outdoor place. I am a shopkeeper and I see families every day who bring their kids with them to take them to the playground on the last
floor.And, they mostly do not carry a shopping bag with them. In addition
, young generations enjoy going to shopping malls
and spending time with their friends there. For instance
, they can go to a cinema and then
to an amusement park and also
have a meal all in the same place.
On the other hand
, those amusement facilities
are there to attract customers to come to malls
in order to spend money on buying items and for malls
survival. What is more, if society stops shopping Change noun form
malls'
mall's
from
Change preposition
in
malls
, where else they can find a variety of items to purchase.
Change the punctuation
?
In addition
, so many people
may get unemployed and leave their stores at malls
.Mall owners, on the other hand
, can not afford to keep all the facilities
financially if tenants leave the chain. As a consequence
, so many malls
will be closed forever as now there is a website which introduces dead malls
in the US. So, malls
need people
to shop in order to survive .
To sum up
, people
can enjoy and have fun at the malls
according to
a variety of entertaining stuff . But, those facilities
would not be there if not for the shopping . So, the population should consider that.Submitted by TUTOO on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay could benefit from clearer transitions between ideas to improve the flow. Using phrases like 'Furthermore' and 'Moreover' can help your writing sound more cohesive.
coherence cohesion
Try to be more precise in the introduction. Present a brief overview of the main points you will discuss, to create a roadmap for the reader.
task achievement
It's important to balance your arguments. Ensure that points supporting and opposing the idea are equally developed to show a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Proofread your essay for minor grammatical errors and punctuation issues to polish your writing.
task achievement
Your personal example as a shopkeeper is valuable. Consider adding more such examples or data that are relevant to the topic to further support your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear conclusion that effectively summarizes your main points.
task achievement
You've provided relevant examples, like your personal experience as a shopkeeper, which adds depth to your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with distinct paragraphs for each point, making it easy to follow.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.