do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages on using social media to all ages

A number of social
media
platforms have been on the rise over the
last
10 years and over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time they have grown very popular in all ages be it young or adult.
Although
this
development has offered a myriad of benefits to
people
, in my opinion, it poses more harm than good to both young and adults.
It is clear that
social
media
has helped us to communicate with
people
around the world
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our loved ones.
However
, despite
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
positive help we get from social platforms, a lot of
people
use them to take pieces of information from different
people
.
For example
, the majority of the population today post their personal details
such
as house address,
school
location, holiday destination and the like online.
This
is dangerous, as
people
with bad intentions might get
this
information to commit evil deeds. One good example of
this
is in the Philippines. A parent shared her child’s
school
activities and carelessly tagged the
school
on Facebook. A stranger took
this
opportunity to kidnap the child after
school
hours.
Additionally
, because of social
media
children are constantly exposed to adult
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
as there are random posts on Facebook, Instagram or TikTok about pornography;
this
is not healthy for their
overall
well-being.
Hence
, it is a worrying trend that must be stopped, but
people
keep utilising social
media
to tell the world about their whereabouts.
Moreover
, adults are
also
affected negatively
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
social
media
. Many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
working
people
today use Instagram or Facebook to inform the world about their daily lives. For some,
this
is a positive thing to do, but for many
employers
Add a comma
employers,
show examples
they find
this
unappealing. A lot of employers judge their employees through the nature of their posts
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
various social
media
and if they find the shared posts inappropriate, workers might face negative consequences
such
as receiving reprimands or worse, suspension.
To conclude
, social
media
are useful tools for
people
to be constantly connected, but it is pivotal to remember that they have more downsides than positive ones.
Submitted by redsiliud on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
To improve your task response, try to include more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This will make your arguments more convincing and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Continue to work on maintaining a clear and logical structure throughout your essay. This will help the reader to follow your arguments more easily.
coherence cohesion
Although your main points are well-supported, incorporating a counter-argument and addressing it could make your essay even stronger.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and provide a strong framework for your essay.
coherence cohesion
You have a good command of language and your ideas are logically structured, making it easy for the reader to follow your arguments.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: