IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages on using social media to all ages

#media #ages
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A number of social
media
 platforms have been on the rise over the
last
 10 years and over
the
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apply
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time they have grown very popular in all ages be it young or adult.
Although
this
 development has offered a myriad of benefits to
people
, in my opinion, it poses more harm than good to both young and adults.
It is clear that
 social
media
 has helped us to communicate with
people
 around the world
especially
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, especially
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to
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apply
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our loved ones.
However
, despite
this
Correct determiner usage
the
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 positive help we get from social platforms, a lot of
people
 use them to take pieces of information from different
people
.
For example
, the majority of the population today post their personal details
such
 as house address,
school
 location, holiday destination and the like online.
This
 is dangerous, as
people
 with bad intentions might get
this
 information to commit evil deeds. One good example of
this
 is in the Philippines. A parent shared her child’s
school
 activities and carelessly tagged the
school
 on Facebook. A stranger took
this
 opportunity to kidnap the child after
school
 hours.
Additionally
, because of social
media
 children are constantly exposed to adult
contents
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content
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 as there are random posts on Facebook, Instagram or TikTok about pornography;
this
 is not healthy for their
overall
 well-being.
Hence
, it is a worrying trend that must be stopped, but
people
 keep utilising social
media
 to tell the world about their whereabouts.
Moreover
, adults are
also
 affected negatively
with
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by
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 social
media
. Many
of
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apply
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working
people
 today use Instagram or Facebook to inform the world about their daily lives. For some,
this
 is a positive thing to do, but for many
employers
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employers,
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 they find
this
 unappealing. A lot of employers judge their employees through the nature of their posts
in
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on
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 various social
media
 and if they find the shared posts inappropriate, workers might face negative consequences
such
 as receiving reprimands or worse, suspension.
To conclude
, social
media
 are useful tools for
people
 to be constantly connected, but it is pivotal to remember that they have more downsides than positive ones.
Submitted by redsiliud on

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task response
To improve your task response, try to include more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This will make your arguments more convincing and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Continue to work on maintaining a clear and logical structure throughout your essay. This will help the reader to follow your arguments more easily.
coherence cohesion
Although your main points are well-supported, incorporating a counter-argument and addressing it could make your essay even stronger.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and provide a strong framework for your essay.
coherence cohesion
You have a good command of language and your ideas are logically structured, making it easy for the reader to follow your arguments.
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