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Band 7

Differences between countries become less evident each year. Nowadays, all over the world people share the same advertising, brands, eating habits and TV channels. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of these fashions?

#differences #countries #year #world #people #brands #habits #tv #channels #fashions
In the era of globalization, technology plays a vital role and is involved in many life sectors.
Thus
, creativity has been avelliated and there are not any new ideas demonstrated.
Nevertheless
, recently, a wide range of individuals are posting the same things,
such
 as food, clothes and platforms. In
this
 essay, I will elaborate on both the pros and cons,
as well as
 do its benefits overshadow the drawbacks.
To begin
 with, one of the main drawbacks is the culture. It will have a major side effect on our culture and its role will be diminished over time.
Moreover
, the platforms will be more tedious and the views will be declined.
This
 issue will reflect on our economy
as a result
 the media has been considered a source of income for many countries.
For instance
, America is renowned as most talk
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
show examples
 programs are from there. About ten per cent of its income comes from TV shows
due to
 the taxes on these shows, and high downloads and views.
On the other hand
, one possible benefit would be the brands will not change,
hence
 most people will not charge money for new fashion.
In addition
, In eating, no modern weird eating habits and cousins will illustrate. Ultimately, we will not be terrified by channels and advertisements because we are already aware of what is it. In conclusion, the drawbacks outweigh the advantages. The culture will be affected and it is our identity. We should preserve our basis and identity because it is the only thing that discriminates against each country from the other.
Submitted by mohannadsme on

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task achievement
Ensure all key points are addressed in detail. For example, elaborate more on both the pros and cons, and provide additional specific examples to support the arguments.
coherence cohesion
Although the essay has a clear structure, try to develop each paragraph more comprehensively. This includes extending the introduction and providing a more thorough conclusion.
use of language
Pay attention to correct word choice and phrasing. Phrases like 'technology plays a vital role and is involved in many life sectors' should be more precise.
structure
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the discussion well.
task achievement
Good attempt at discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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