Some people say that now is the best time in history to be living . What is your opinion about this? What other times in history would be interesting to live in?
Life on earth is unpredictable, but living
worthy
life is one's personal choice. Some individuals find the current time as one of the best Correct article usage
a worthy
times
to be alive across
history. I strongly support Change preposition
in
this
thought, owing to the living conditions that humans
have nurtured over all these years.
I cannot stress enough how technology and healthcare have made the lives of humans
a
bliss on Correct article usage
apply
this
planet. Hundreds of years ago, people avoided long sea voyages in
Change preposition
for
the
fear of being away from their loved ones for months if not years. But today, we have phones and the internet, that let everyone talk to their loved ones diminishing any boundaries. Those were Correct article usage
apply
also
the times
when many humans
lost their lives to deadly diseases. For example
, the great famine in Bengal wiped families
and generations, or the spread of Jaundice in the city of Shirdi in India. At present, we have medications available for Change preposition
out families
such
diseases, all thanks to the countless research. Though there are areas in which humans
have not surmounted natural challenges, we, as a species are always learning and improving.
If I had the opportunity to be able to bend the space-time mesh and travel across the human timeline, I would pick the Egyptian era. The sight of Pharoahs
and their reign excites me. Correct your spelling
Pharaohs
Certainly
Add a comma
Certainly,
humans
would then
have to follow countless customs and traditions. But the rich cultural aspect of those times
cannot be compared to this
silicone-driven world. Though those times
had poor human living standards, everyone would have probably gotten a pyramid of their own, satisfying to
the personal gratification that we all seek today in our concrete homes.
Change preposition
apply
To conclude
, humans
have come very far from where their ancestors lived. The sun that
once used to curse villagers through fake oracles, is now the source of sustainable energy generation. We as Correct pronoun usage
apply
humans
, are already living in our most comfortable time, all set to brush past the moons and stars, as our future generations crave for
an even more Change preposition
apply
luxorious
lifestyle.Correct your spelling
luxurious
Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on
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task achievement
Ensure all ideas are fully elaborated with relevant examples. For instance, the second paragraph mentions healthcare advancements and disease prevention, but it could be expanded with more specific contemporary examples, such as the impact of vaccines or modern treatments.
coherence cohesion
Use transitions more consistently between points and paragraphs to enhance the flow of ideas. For instance, when transitioning to the Egyptian era discussion, explicitly connect it to the main topic by discussing how it contrasts with modern times.
coherence cohesion
Clarify and simplify complex sentences to avoid any potential misunderstanding. For example, the phrase, '...as our future generations crave for an even more luxorious lifestyle.' could be rewritten for clarity.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance on the prompt and provides a thorough response, discussing both the present time and a historical period of interest.
coherence cohesion
The ideas are logically structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This aids the reader in following the argument smoothly.
task achievement
Relevant examples, such as historical references to the Bengal famine and the rise of technology, enhance the argument and provide substantial support to the claims made.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite