Nowadays, people live longer after they retire. How does it affect individuals and society? What can be done about this.
These days,
people
have longer life expectancy after retirement. This
essay will outline some issues in society
such
as the healthcare
system strain as well as
suggest some solutions.
One of the main downsides to society
may be healthcare
system stress. This
means that, with increasing age, old people
require various types of medicines, healthcare
services, and long-term care. If the government did not have a sufficient budget to meet such
expectations, the increasing elderly population would create economic and health problems in society
. Another problem could be social isolation, which means older people
may reduce their social interaction with other people
due to
several factors such
as technology barriers, geographic distance, or the loss of a spouse. For example
, if aging
Change the spelling
ageing
people
live away from their families, they might suffer from stress and mental issues. This
shows that growing age can have inevitable consequences on society
as well as
individuals.
A possible solution to alleviate social loneliness would be to enroll
them in various classes. By considering funds for elderly Change the spelling
enrol
people
, they can make new friends through communication and interaction with peer groups. Furthermore
, this
can be solved by encouraging a healthy lifestyle and offering accessible preventive healthcare
that can reduce the impact of age-related health issues.
In conclusion, people
living longer after they retire have led to medical resource pressure and social disconnection in both individuals and society
. However
, this
problem can be dealt with if the government plans for the age encourage to engage in dissimilar classes, and meetings to increase their social interaction and also
opt for healthy living habits.Submitted by hongminh317 on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the main points asked in the prompt, but it can be improved by adding more specific examples to support your arguments. For instance, citing specific statistics or studies related to healthcare system strain or social isolation can make your points more compelling.
task achievement
There were some minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing in your essay. For example, sentences like 'considering funds for elderly people' could be better phrased as 'allocating funds for elderly support.' Review your grammar and sentence structure for clarity.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. However, transitions between paragraphs can be more fluid. Words like 'additionally' or 'consequently' can help in making your transitions smoother.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are supported, but some could be further developed for higher scores. For example, explaining how a healthy lifestyle can specifically benefit older adults will add more depth to your essay.
task achievement
Your essay covers all required points: the impact on individuals and society, and possible solutions.
coherence cohesion
You've clearly structured your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in understanding your argument.
task achievement
The examples you provided are relevant and help to illustrate the broader points you are making.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.